Several people who came from a distance to see us, noticing that I looked very pale and anemic, asked my mother to let me go and spend a few days in their homes, saying the change of air would do me good. With this end in view, my mother gave her consent and they took me with them, now to one place, now to another. When away from home like this, I did not always meet with esteem or affection. While there were some who admired me and considered me a saint, there were also others who heaped abuse upon me and called me a hypocrite, a visionary and a sorceress. This was the good Lord’s way of throwing salt into the water to prevent it from going bad. Thanks to this Divine Providence, I went through the fire without being burned, or without becoming acquainted with the little worm, vanity, which has the habit of gnawing its way into everything. On such occasions, I used to think to myself: “They are all mistaken. I’m not a saint, as some say, and I’m not a liar either, as others say. Only God knows what I am.” When I got home I would run to see Jacinta, who said: “Listen! Don’t go away again. I have been so lonely for you! Since you went away, I have not spoken to anyone. I don’t know how to talk to other people.”
The time finally came for Jacinta to leave for Lisbon. I have already described our leave taking, and therefore I won’t repeat it here. How sad I was to find myself alone! In such a short space of time, Our dear Lord had taken to Heaven my beloved father, and then Francisco; and now He was taking Jacinta, who I was never to see again in this world. As soon as I could, I slipped away to the Cabeco, and hid within our cave among the rocks. There, alone with God, I poured forth my grief and shed tears in abundance. Coming back down the slope, everything reminded me of my dear companions; the stones on which we had so often sat, the flowers I no longer picked, not having anyone to take them to; Valinhos, where the three of us had enjoyed the delights of paradise! As though I had lost all sense of reality, and still half abstracted, I went to my aunt’s house one day, and made for Jacinta’s room, calling out to her. Her sister Teresa, seeing me like that, barred the way and reminded me that Jacinta was no longer there!
Shortly afterwards, news arrived that she had taken flight to Heaven. Her body was then brought back to Vila Nova de Ourém. My aunt took me there one day, to pray beside the mortal remains of her little daughter, in the hope of thus distracting me. But for a long time after, my sorrow only seemed to grow ever greater. Whenever I found the cemetery open, I went and sat by Francisco’s grave, or beside my father’s and there I spent long hours. My mother, thank God, decided some time later after this to go to Lisbon, and to take me with her. Through the kindness of Dr. Formigão a good lady received us into her house, and offered to pay for my education in a boarding school, if I was willing to remain. My mother, after consulting doctors, found that she needed an operation for kidneys and spinal column; but the doctors would not be responsible for her life, since she also suffered from a cardiac lesion. She therefore went home, leaving me in the care of this lady. When everything was ready and the day arranged for my entering boarding school, I was informed that the Government was aware that I was in Lisbon and was seeking my whereabouts. They, therefore, took me to Santarem to Dr. Formigão’s house, and for some days I remained hidden, without even being allowed out to Mass.
Finally, His Reverence’s sister arrived to take me home to my mother, promising to arrange for my admittance to a boarding school that the Dorothean Sisters had in Spain, and assuring us that as soon as everything was settled, she would come and fetch me. All these happenings distracted me somewhat, and so the oppressive sadness began to disappear.