Chapter XIII, page 58, states in the note: 'Rev. Mother Monfalim was present at all the authors interviews with Sister Dores.' This is not true. Only Dr. Antero de Figueiredo's daughter, who accompanied him, was present. Mother Monfalim, who was then my Provincial Superior, was in Tuy. From there, she wrote me a letter which she sent, unsealed by Dr. Antero de Figueiredo to Pontevedra, where I then was. There the interrogation took place, and it was one of those difficult interrogations that God has made me undergo.
In this letter, Rev. Mother Provincial ordered me to answer with sincerity, truthfulness and simplicity everything that Dr. Antero de Figueiredo wished to ask me. She requested that I offer to God this act of obedience. Before handing me the letter, he read it. The order given me, that under obedience I was to answer everything with sincerity, pleased him; he judged that he could, therefore, put to me any question whatsoever that his mind might advise. As if that were not enough, he had his daughter's head beside him, ready to conjure up more questions.
For my part, I was not slow in realizing how far he intended to go with his interrogation. I asked myself if I would now have to reveal my most intimate secrets, those which I had so far kept with such great care, and reveal them moreover to a lay man, who seemed to me not only to know nothing about the spiritual life, but not even to understand the bare essentials of the practice of the Christian life. To avoid making rash judgments and in order to be sure on how things stood, I tried to phrase my answers precisely in such a way as to draw from him an admission of the truth. In fact he was deeply moved, and confessed more than once with tears streaming down his cheeks, the black spot of his sorry life. Afterwards, I regretted having given occasion for such sad avowals, but it was then too late. In spite of begging him not to make known to me such things, of which I knew little or nothing, his emotional state was such that he could not refrain from doing so, and I had to resign myself to listen to it all.
Meanwhile, I was thinking: 'Have I to manifest my intimate secrets to this man? Impossible! And what about obedience? I don't know!' The local Mother Superior had received orders to be present at the interrogation. But, not wanting such a responsibility, she had excused herself owing to lack of time, and had withdrawn. I then asked to leave the room for a moment, and I went to place my doubts before her and ask her advice. Mother Superior replied that in view of Mother Provincial's order she didn't know how to advise me.
I then asked to speak to the confessor but he was absent, and nobody knew when he was due to return. I went to the chapel. I offered a brief prayer to Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament and to Our Lady and then returned to the parlor once more. The interrogation began again, and it was of such a kind as to draw out of me all that I kept locked within my heart. But the repugnance I felt at the thought of revealing it only increased, and the struggle between this and the doubt as to whether or not obedience obliged me to reveal grew stronger and stronger. I soon discovered that the good man sought to study me in depth.
The first and second day over, we reached the third day of the interrogation, and I became more and more perplexed. On the afternoon of the third day, it seemed that God willed to grant me a ray of His light. From the parlor I heard a voice in the hallway, that of a Jesuit Priest whom I had known in Tuy, Rev. Dr. Herrera. Without loss of time, I asked to leave the room for a moment, and made my way to Mother Superior to ask permission to speak to him. Right then, I wanted nothing further from His Reverence than he would tell me how far obedience obliged me to manifest myself.
But God wanted sacrifice! Did He not also find Himself alone in the Garden of Olives? And is He not still alone in so many abandoned Tabernacles? We must keep Him company and remain at His side, not only in the breaking of the bread, but also in the drinking of the chalice. It was certainly through this dispensation of the Almighty that Rev. Mother Superior refused me permission to speak to the venerable Jesuit priest. With a heart even heavier than when I left, I went back to the parlor. The interrogation continued becoming more and more detailed every moment. The fourth day came, still darker than the three preceding ones. There was already considerable discontent in the community. A lot of work needed to be done in the house and there was I doing nothing! As far as they could see, I was having a fine time in the parlor, and therefore making no effort to bring the visit to a speedy conclusion.
Mother Superior was already showing how displeased she was. Alas, had they been able to read my heart. O my God, they would have seen how greatly I would have preferred, had I been given the choice, a brush with which to scrub the house rather than the padded chair on which they saw me so comfortably seated! But we must not let the breath of creatures dull the mirror that shines brightly in the sight of God. And then I must confess were it not for the word, obedience, that Mother Provincial put in her letter, the interrogator would have had to return home on the very first day with his list of questions just the same as he had brought it, as indeed had happened to him the previous year.
'What am I to do?' I asked myself, without being able to arrive at any decision. The interrogation seemed to be still very far from coming to an end. God be thanked, I found that a trust worthy messenger was going straight to Tuy that very afternoon. I hastily wrote down on a piece of paper the main difficulties facing me and sent it to Rev. Mother Provincial, begging the favor of an urgent reply by telephone. The following morning at nine o'clock, Mother Lemos, the Mistress of Novices, gave the answer over the phone on behalf of Mother Provincial.
"You can keep silent," she said, "about everything you do not wish to make known. Do not send the interrogator away, but rather give a satisfactory answer to all his questions, however long the interrogation might last."
Good! On the strength of this reply, I began the fifth day, with my spirit no longer clouded over. Why worry about the external conflicts instigated by the devil, as long as I had in my soul the inner certainty that I was fulfilling God's will, as known to me through obedience? The interrogation continued for several days more. At its close, I followed the advice of our confessor, who had just returned that very day, and firmly told the interrogator that he was absolutely forbidden to publish or make known anything whatsoever of all that I had told him, without the express approbation of your Excellency and the Rev. Mother Provincial.
The good gentleman was by no means pleased with such a proposition, and did everything he could to persuade me to revoke it. I saw that I would be obliged to take a firm stand. Strengthened, however, by the Divine Holy Spirit, I stood firm right to the end. You know now, Your Excellency, what happened during Dr. Antero de Figueiredo's interrogation. As you can see, this was the time I felt most keenly that God alone was with me.
During the interrogation, there was yet another doubt that tormented me, and that was the absence of any authorization on the part of Your Excellency. I asked myself: "Did Rev. Mother Provincial ask the Bishop's permission before she gave me this order? Would his Excellency be happy to have me subjected to such an interrogation without his authorization? And what about the order His Excellency gave me that I am not to speak about these things?" It was because of all these doubts that I wrote a full account of the whole affair to Your Excellency. The good Lord was pleased to permit that I received no answer to my letter, and I therefore left the whole matter in God's hands.