Continues the discussion of this first stage. Tells about how far we can get, with the help of God, through our own efforts, and about the harm that results when the spirit desires to ascend to supernatural things before the Lord grants them.1
WHAT I TRIED TO EXPLAIN in the previous chapters—although I digressed a great deal in speaking of other things since mentioning them seemed to me very necessary—was the work we can do through our own efforts and how in obtaining this initial devotion we can help ourselves in some way. For in thinking about and carefully examining what the Lord suffered for us, we are moved to compassion; and this sorrow and the resulting tears bring delight. In thinking about the glory we hope for, the love the Lord bore us, and His resurrection, we are moved to a joy that is neither entirely spiritual nor entirely of the senses. But the joy is virtuous and the sorrow very meritorious. Virtue and merit are found in all the things that cause the devotion acquired partly by the intellect, even though this devotion could not be merited or obtained if God did not give it. It is very good for a soul that hasn’t gone beyond this point to refrain from striving to ascend further. This should be kept in mind, for otherwise the soul wouldn’t make progress but would suffer harm.
2. In this state it can make many acts to awaken love, many resolutions to render God much service, and other acts in order to make the virtues grow, in accord with what is said in a book called The Art of Serving God,2 which is a very good and appropriate book for those who are in this state in which the intellect is at work. The soul can place itself in the presence of Christ and grow accustomed to being inflamed with love for His sacred humanity. It can keep Him ever present and speak with Him, asking for its needs and complaining of its labors, being glad with Him in its enjoyments and not forgetting Him because of them, trying to speak to Him, not through written prayers but with words that conform to its desires and needs.
This is an excellent way of making progress, and in a very short time. I consider that soul advanced who strives to remain in this precious company and to profit very much by it, and who truly comes to love this Lord to whom we owe so much.
3. As a result, we shouldn’t care at all about not having devotion—as I have said—but we ought to thank the Lord who allows us to be desirous of pleasing Him, even though our works may be weak. This method of keeping Christ present with us is beneficial in all stages and is a very safe means of advancing in the first degree of prayer, of reaching in a short time the second degree, and of walking secure against the dangers the devil can set up in the last degrees.
4. Keeping Christ present is what we of ourselves can do. Whoever would desire to pass beyond this point and raise the spirit to an experience of spiritual consolations that are not given would lose both the one and the other, in my opinion; for these consolations belong to the supernatural. And if the intellect is not active, the soul is left very dry, like a desert. Since this edifice is built entirely on humility, the closer one comes to God the more progress there must be in this virtue; and if there is no progress in humility, everything is going to be ruined. It seems a kind of pride to desire of ourselves to ascend higher since, in view of what we are, God does too much just in drawing us near to Himself.
It should not be thought that I am saying this about an ascent by means of reflection to the high things of heaven or of God and of the grandeurs that are there and of His great wisdom. I never reflected in this way, because I did not have the ability, as I said, and I was so wretched. Even in respect to thinking of earthly things, God gave me the favor to understand the truth that my reflecting on them would require no small amount of boldness, and how much more for heavenly things. Yet, other persons will draw profit from such reflection, especially if they have gone through studies. For in my opinion a background of studies is like a treasure to aid in this practice if the studies are accompanied by humility. Some days ago I saw the truth of this statement in the case of a few learned men.3 They began only a short time ago, and they have advanced very far. This makes me most anxious that many learned men would become spiritual men, as I shall say afterward.4
5. What I say about not ascending to God unless He raises one up is language of the spirit. He who has had some experience will understand me, for I don’t know how to describe this being raised up if it isn’t understood through experience. In mystical theology, which I began to describe,5 the intellect ceases to work because God suspends it, as I shall explain afterward if I know how and He gives me His help to do so. Taking it upon oneself to stop and suspend thought is what I mean should not be done; nor should we cease to work with the intellect, because otherwise we would be left like cold simpletons and be doing neither one thing nor the other. When the Lord suspends the intellect and causes it to stop, He Himself gives it that which holds its attention and makes it marvel; and without reflection it understands more in the space of a Creed than we can understand with all our earthly diligence in many years. Trying to keep the soul’s faculties busy and thinking you can make them be quiet is foolish.
And I say again, even though it may not be understood, this effort to suspend the intellect is not very humble. Although there may be no fault, there is no lack of a penalty; labor will be wasted, and the soul will be left with some little frustration, as in the case of a person who when about to leap forward is pulled back by someone else. For now, seemingly, the soul has used its energy and finds that it hasn’t achieved what it wanted to achieve with it. And whoever desires to observe will see in the small gain that results this tiny lack of humility I mentioned. For humility has an excellent feature: when it is present in a work, that work does not leave in the soul a feeling of frustration.
It seems to me I have explained this matter, but perhaps I’ve made it clear only to myself. May the Lord by means of experience open the eyes of those who read this; no matter how little such experience may be, they will soon understand.
6. Many years passed by in which I read a lot of things and didn’t understand anything of what I read. For a long time, even though God favored me, I didn’t know what words to use to explain His favors; and this was no small trial. In a way amazing to me, His Majesty when He desires teaches me everything in a moment.
One thing I can truthfully say: although I spoke with many spiritual persons who wanted to explain what the Lord was giving me so that I would be able to speak about it, my dullness was truly so great that their explanations benefited me neither little nor much. Or maybe, since His Majesty has always been my Master, it was the Lord’s desire that I have no one else to thank. May He be blessed forever because it is very disconcerting for me to speak in all truth about His favors. Without my desiring or asking (for in this matter of understanding these favors I have by no means been curious—it would have been a virtue to have been so—as I have been in regard to other vanities), God gave me in a moment completely clear understanding so that I knew how to explain His favor in a way that amazed me more than it did my confessors; for I understood better than they my own dullness. This clear understanding was given me a little while ago, and so what the Lord has not taught me I do not strive to know unless it be something touching upon matters of conscience.
7. Once again I counsel that it is very important for the spirit not to ascend unless the Lord raise it up. What this statement means is quite apparent. It would be especially bad for women to try to raise up the spirit because the devil would be able to cause some illusion; although I am certain the Lord would not allow any harm to come to someone who strives humbly to reach Him. On the contrary, such a person would draw out more benefit and gain where the devil thought he could bring her to ruin.
Since this path of beginners is much traveled and the counsels I have given are very important, I have enlarged on them very much. They have been written of so much better by others, and I confess that I have written this with a great deal of embarrassment and shame although not with as much as I should have.
May God be blessed for everything, who desires and consents that someone like myself should speak about His graces, so lofty and so sublime.