Begins to explain the second degree of prayer in which the Lord now starts to give the soul a more special kind of delight. Explains how this experience is supernatural. This matter is worth noting.
IT HAS BEEN EXPLAINED now how the garden is watered by labor and the use of one’s arms, drawing the water up from the well. Let us speak now of the second manner, ordained by the Lord of the garden, for getting water; that is, by turning the crank of a water wheel and by aqueducts, the gardener obtains more water with less labor; and he can rest without having to work constantly. Well, this method applied to what they call the prayer of quiet is what I now want to discuss.
2. Here the soul begins to be recollected and comes upon something supernatural because in no way can it acquire this prayer through any efforts it may make. True, at one time it seemingly got tired turning the crank, and working with the intellect, and filling the aqueducts. But here the water is higher, and so the labor is much less than that required in pulling it up from the well. I mean that the water is closer because grace is more clearly manifest to the soul.
In this prayer the faculties are gathered within so as to enjoy that satisfaction with greater delight. But they are not lost, nor do they sleep. Only the will is occupied in such a way that, without knowing how, it becomes captive; it merely consents to God allowing Him to imprison it as one who well knows how to be the captive of its lover. O Jesus and my Lord! How valuable is Your love to us here! It holds our love so bound that it doesn’t allow it the freedom during that time to love anything else but You.
3. The other two faculties help the will to be capable of enjoying so much good—although sometimes it happens that even though the will is united, they are very unhelpful. But then it shouldn’t pay any attention to them; rather it should remain in its joy and quietude. Because if the will desires to gather in these faculties, they both get lost. They are like doves that are dissatisfied with the food the owner of the dovecot gives them without their having to work. They go to look for food elsewhere, but they find it so scarce that they return. And thus these faculties go away and then come back to see if the will might give them what it enjoys. If the Lord desires to throw them some food, they stop; and if not, they return to their search. And they must think they are benefiting the will; and sometimes in desiring the memory or imagination to represent to the will what they’re enjoying, they do the will harm. Well, then, be advised to behave toward them as I shall explain.1
4. All this that takes place here brings with it the greatest consolation and with so little labor that prayer does not tire one, even though it lasts for a long while. The intellect’s work here is very slow—paced, and it obtains a lot more water than it pulled out of the well. The tears God gives are now accompanied by joy; however, although they are experienced, there is no striving for them.
5. This water of great blessings and favors that the Lord gives here makes the virtues grow incomparably better than in the previous degree of prayer, for the soul is now ascending above its misery and receiving a little knowledge of the delights of glory.
This water I believe makes the virtues grow better and also brings the soul much closer to the true Virtue, which is God, from whence come all the virtues. His Majesty is beginning to communicate Himself to this soul, and He wants it to experience how He is doing so.
In arriving here it begins soon to lose its craving for earthly things—and little wonder! It sees clearly that one moment of the enjoyment of glory cannot be experienced here below, neither are there riches, or sovereignties, or honors, or delights that are able to provide a brief moment of that happiness, for it is a true happiness that, it is seen, satisfies us. In earthly things it would seem to me a marvel were we ever to understand just where we can find this satisfaction, for there is never lacking in these earthly things both the “yes” and the “no.” During the time of this prayer, everything is “yes.” The “no” comes afterward upon seeing that the delight is ended and that one cannot recover it—nor does one know how. Were one to crush self with penances and prayer and all the rest, it would profit little if the Lord did not desire to give this delight. God in His greatness desires that this soul understand that He is so close it no longer needs to send Him messengers but can speak with Him itself and not by shouting since He is so near that when it merely moves its lips, He understands it.
6. It seems impertinent to say this since we know that God always understands us and is with us. There is no doubt about this understanding and presence. But our Emperor and Lord desires that in this prayer we know that He understands us, and what His presence does, and that He wants to begin to work in the soul in a special way. All of this that the Lord desires is manifest in the great interior and exterior satisfaction He gives the soul and in the difference there is, as I said,2 between this delight and happiness and the delights of earth, for this delight seems to fill the void that through our sins we have caused in the soul. This satisfaction takes place in its very intimate depths, and the soul doesn’t know where the satisfaction comes from or how, nor frequently does it know what to do or what to desire or what to ask for. It seems it has found everything at once and doesn’t know what it has found.
Nor do I know how to explain this experience because for so many things learning is necessary. Here it would be helpful to explain well the difference between a general and a particular grace—for there are many who are ignorant of this difference and how the Lord desires that the soul in this prayer almost see with its own eyes, as they say, this particular grace. Learning is also required to explain many other things, which I perhaps did not express correctly. But since what I say is going to be checked by persons who will recognize any error, I’m not worrying about it. In matters of theology as well as in those of the spirit I know that I can be mistaken; yet, since this account will end in good hands, these learned men will understand and remove what is erroneous.
7. Still, I should like to explain this experience because we are dealing with beginners; and when the Lord begins to grant these favors, the soul itself doesn’t understand them nor does it know what to do with itself. For if the Lord leads it along the path of fear, as He did me, it is a great trial if there is no one to understand it. To see itself described brings it intense joy, and then it sees clearly the path it is walking on. It is a great good to know what one must do in order to advance in any of these stages. For I have suffered much and have lost a great deal of time for not knowing what to do, and I pity souls greatly who find themselves alone when they arrive at this stage. Even though I have read many spiritual books and they touch upon the relevant points, the explanations are brief; and if the soul is not very experienced, even were the explanations ample, it would have a hard time understanding itself.
8. I desire very much that the Lord help me explain the effects caused in the soul by these things that are now beginning to be supernatural so that through the effects one may know when they are the work of God’s spirit. I say “one may know,” but I mean in conformity with what one can know here below. It is always good that we walk with fear and caution. For, although the work may be from God, the devil at times can transform himself into an angel of light; and if the soul has not a great deal of experience, it will not discern the devil’s work—and, in fact, it must have so much experience that it needs to come close to the very summit of prayer in order to have such discernment.
The little time at my disposal is little help to me and so His Majesty must come to my aid. I have to follow the community life and have many other duties since I am in a house which is just beginning;3 as will be seen afterward. As a result, I write without the time and calm for it, and bit by bit. I should like to have time, because when the Lord gives the spirit, things are put down with ease and in a much better way. Putting them down is then like copying a model you have before your eyes. But if the spirit is lacking, it is more difficult to speak about these things than to speak Arabic;4 as the saying goes, even though many years may have been spent in prayer. As a result, it seems to me most advantageous to have this experience while I am writing, because I see clearly that it is not I who say what I write; for neither do I plan it with the intellect nor do I know afterward how I managed to say it. This often happens to me.
9. Let us now return to our garden and see how these trees are beginning to bud so as to blossom and afterward give fruit and also the flowers and carnations so as to give forth their fragrance. This comparison has its charm for me because often in my beginnings (and, please the Lord, I may have now begun to serve His Majesty; I mean the beginnings of what I shall say from here on about my life) it was a great delight for me to consider my soul as a garden and reflect that the Lord was taking His walk in it. I begged Him to increase the fragrance of the little flowers of virtue that were beginning to bloom, so it seemed, and that they might give Him glory and He might sustain them since I desired nothing for myself—and that He might cut the ones He wanted, for I already knew that better ones would flower. I say “cut” because there are times when the soul has no thought of this garden. Everything seems to be dry, and it seems there is not going to be any water to sustain it—nor does it appear that there has ever been in the soul anything of virtue. It undergoes much tribulation because the Lord desires that it seem to the poor gardener that everything acquired in watering and keeping the garden up is being lost. This dryness amounts to an authentic weeding and pulling up of the remaining bad growth by its roots, no matter how small it may be. By knowing that there is no diligence that suffices if God takes away the water of grace and by placing little value on the nothing that we are, and even less than nothing, the soul gains much humility. The flowers begin to grow again.
10. O my Lord and my God! I cannot say this without tears and great joy of soul! How You desire, Lord, thus to be with us and to be present in the Sacrament (for in all truth this can be believed since it is so, and in the fullness of truth we can make this comparison); and if it were not for our fault, we could rejoice in being with You, and You would be glad to be with us since You say that Your delight is to be with the children of the earth.5 O my Lord! What is this? As often as I hear these words, they bring me great consolation; they did so even when I was very far gone. Is it possible, Lord, that there be a soul that reaches the point where You bestow similar favors and gifts, and understands that You are to be with it, that goes back to offending You after so many favors and after such striking demonstrations of the love You have for it which cannot be doubted since the effects of it are obvious? Yes, there certainly is one, and not one who has done this once but done it many times—for it is I. And may it please your goodness, Lord, that I might be the only ungrateful one and the only one who has done such terrible evil and shown such excessive ingratitude. But even from this evil, Your infinite goodness has drawn out something worthwhile; and the greater the evil, the more resplendent the wonder of Your mercies. And how many are the reasons I can sing Your mercies forever!
11. I beseech You, my God, that it may be so and that I may sing them without end since You have deigned to bestow upon me mercies so outstanding they amaze those who see them; and as for me, they frequently carry me out of myself to praise You the better. By remaining in myself without You, I could do nothing, my Lord, but return to cutting the garden flowers in such a way that this miserable ground would once more serve for a trash heap as it did previously. Do not permit it, Lord, or desire the loss of the soul You bought with so many labors and which You have so often gone back again to rescue and save from the teeth of the terrifying dragon.
12. May Your Reverence pardon me,6 for I have gone off the subject; and don’t be surprised, because in speaking about myself I am dealing with my feelings, and therefore it is often very difficult to resist continuing to proclaim the praises of God as I put down in writing the many things I owe Him. And I don’t think these praises will cause displeasure to Your Reverence, for we both, it seems to me, can sing the same thing even though in a different way—because what I owe God is much more since He has pardoned me more7 as Your Reverence knows.