Treats of how safe a path it is for contemplatives not to raise the spirit to high things unless the Lord raises it and of how the humanity of Christ must be the means to the most sublime contemplation. Tells about a mistaken theory she once tried to follow. This chapter is very beneficial.
THERE IS ONE THING I want to say that in my opinion is important. If Your Reverence thinks it is good, it can be used for giving advice since it could happen that you will have need of it. In some books written on prayer it is said that even though the soul cannot reach this state of prayer by itself, since the work is an entirely supernatural one that the Lord effects in the soul, it will be able to help itself by lifting the spirit above all creatures and humbly raising it up, and that the soul can do this after having passed many years in the purgative life while it is advancing in the illuminative. (I don’t really know why they say illuminative; I understand it to refer to those who are advancing.) They give strong advice to rid oneself of all corporeal images and to approach contemplation of the Divinity. They say that in the case of those who are advancing, these corporeal images, even when referring to the humanity of Christ, are an obstacle or impediment to the most perfect contemplation. In support of this theory they quote what the Lord said to the Apostles about the coming of the Holy Spirit—I mean at the time of His Ascension.1 They think that since this work is entirely spiritual, any corporeal thing can hinder or impede it, that one should try to think of God in a general way, that He is everywhere, and that we are immersed in Him.
This is good, it seems to me, sometimes; but to withdraw completely from Christ or that this divine Body be counted in a balance with our own miseries or with all creation, I cannot endure. May it please His Majesty that I be able to explain myself.
2. I am not contradicting this theory; those who hold it are learned and spiritual men and they know what they are saying, and God leads souls by many paths and ways. I want to speak now of the way He led my soul—I’m not considering other ways—and of the danger I found myself in for wanting to put into practice what I was reading. I really believe that anyone who reaches the experience of union without passing beyond—I mean to raptures and visions and other favors God grants to souls—will think what is said in these books is the best practice, as I did. But if I should have kept to that practice, I believe I would never have arrived at where I am now because in my opinion the practice is a mistaken one. Now it could be that I am the mistaken one, but I’ll speak of what happened to me.
3. I had no master and was reading these books in which I thought I was gradually coming to understand something. (And afterward I understood that if the Lord didn’t show me, I was able to learn little from books, because there was nothing I understood until His Majesty gave me understanding through experience, nor did I know what I was doing.) As a result, when I began to experience something of supernatural prayer, I mean of the prayer of quiet, I strove to turn aside from everything corporeal, although I did not dare lift up the soul—since I was always so wretched, I saw that doing so would be boldness. But it seemed to me that I felt the presence of God, as was so, and I strove to recollect myself in His presence. This is a pleasing prayer, if God helps in it, and the delight is great. Since I felt that benefit and consolation, there was no one who could have made me return to the humanity of Christ; as a matter of fact, I thought the humanity was an impediment. O Lord of my soul and my Good, Jesus Christ crucified! At no time do I recall this opinion I had without feeling pain; it seems to me I became a dreadful traitor—although in ignorance.
4. I had been so devoted all my life to Christ (for I held this opinion toward the end, that is, just before the Lord granted me these favors of raptures and visions,2 and I didn’t remain long in so extreme a practice of it); and thus I always returned to my custom of rejoicing in this Lord, especially when I received Communion. I wanted to keep ever before my eyes a painting or image of Him since I was unable to keep Him as engraved in my soul as I desired. Is it possible, my Lord, that it entered my mind for even an hour that You would be an impediment to my greater good? Where have all my blessings come from but from You? I don’t want to think I was at fault in this, because it deeply saddens me—and certainly it was ignorance. Thus You desired, in Your goodness, to remedy the matter by sending me someone who would draw me away from this error—and afterward by letting me see You so many times, as I shall explain later on3—so that I would understand more clearly how great the error is, and tell many persons what I just said, and put it in writing here.
5. In my opinion this practice is why many souls, when they reach the prayer of union, do not advance further or attain a very great freedom of spirit. It seems to me there are two reasons on which I can base my thinking. Perhaps I’m saying nothing, but what I’m about to say I’ve seen through experience. My soul was in a very bad state until the Lord gave it light. All its consolations were coming in small portions, and, once they were passed, it didn’t then have the companionship of Christ to help in trials and temptations. The first reason4 is lack of humility in such persons; so small is this lack and so hidden and concealed that it goes unnoticed. Who is so proud and miserable—as I am—that they will not, after having labored the whole of life with as many penances, prayers, and persecutions as can be imagined, feel greatly enriched and well paid when the Lord allows them to remain at the foot of the cross with St. John?5 Not to feel greatly enriched by this could happen only to stupid persons like myself, for in every way I was losing when I should have been gaining.
6. If our nature or health doesn’t allow us to think always about the Passion, since to do so would be arduous, who will prevent us from being with Him in His risen state? We have Him so near in the Blessed Sacrament, where He is already glorified and where we don’t have to gaze upon Him as being so tired and worn out, bleeding, wearied by His journeys, persecuted by those for whom He did so much good, and not believed in by the Apostles. Certainly there is no one who can endure thinking all the time about the many trials He suffered. Behold Him here without suffering, full of glory, before ascending into heaven, strengthening some, encouraging others, our companion in the most Blessed Sacrament; it doesn’t seem it was in His power to leave us for even a moment. And what a pity it was for me to have left You, my Lord, under the pretext of serving You more! When I was offending You I didn’t know You; but how, once knowing You, did I think I could gain more by this path! Oh, What a bad road I was following, Lord! Now it seems to me I was walking on no path until You brought me back, for in seeing You at my side I saw all blessings. There is no trial that it wasn’t good for me to suffer once I looked at You as You were, standing before the judges. Whoever lives in the presence of so good a friend and excellent a leader, who went ahead of us to be the first to suffer, can endure all things. The Lord helps us, strengthens us, and never fails; He is a true friend. And I see clearly, and I saw afterward, that God desires that if we are going to please Him and receive His great favors, we must do so through the most sacred humanity of Christ, in whom He takes His delight.6 Many, many times have I perceived this truth through experience. The Lord has told it to me. I have definitely seen that we must enter by this gate7 if we desire His sovereign Majesty to show us great secrets.
7. Thus Your Reverence and Lordship8 should desire no other path even if you are at the summit of contemplation; on this road you walk safely. This Lord of ours is the one through whom all blessings come to us. He will teach us these things. In beholding His life we find that He is the best example. What more do we desire than to have such a good friend at our side, who will not abandon us in our labors and tribulations, as friends in the world do? Blessed are they who truly love Him and always keep Him at their side! Let us consider the glorious St. Paul: it doesn’t seem that any other name fell from his lips than that of Jesus, as coming from one who kept the Lord close to his heart. Once I had come to understand this truth, I carefully considered the lives of some of the saints, the great contemplatives, and found that they hadn’t taken any other path: St. Francis demonstrates this through the stigmata; St. Anthony of Padua, with the Infant; St. Bernard found his delight in the humanity; St. Catherine of Siena—and many others about whom Your Reverence knows more than I.
8. This practice of turning aside from corporeal things must be good, certainly, since such spiritual persons advise it. But, in my opinion, the soul should be very advanced because until then it is clear that the Creator must be sought through creatures. Everything depends on the favor the Lord grants to each soul; this is not what I’m concerned with. What I wanted to explain was that the most sacred humanity of Christ must not be counted in a balance with other corporeal things. And may this point be well understood, for I should like to know how to explain myself.
9. When God desires to suspend all the faculties, as we have seen in the kinds of prayer that were mentioned,9 it is clear that, even though we may not so desire, this presence is taken away. Then let it be so—gladly; blessed be such a loss that enables us to enjoy more that which it seems is lost. For then the soul is occupied completely in loving the One whom the intellect labored to know, and loves what it didn’t understand, and rejoices in so great a joy that it couldn’t have experienced it save by losing itself in order, as I say, to gain itself. But that we should skillfully and carefully accustom ourselves to avoid striving with all our strength to keep this most sacred humanity always present (and please the Lord it would be present always), this, I say, is what I don’t think is good. The soul is left floating in the air, as they say; it seems it has no support no matter how much it may think it is full of God. It is an important thing that while we are living and are human we have human support. This disadvantage of not having human support leads to the other reason I referred to. With regard to the first reason, I already began to say10 that there is a small lack of humility in wanting to raise the soul up before the Lord raises it, in not being content to meditate on something so valuable, and in wanting to be Mary before having worked with Martha.11 When the Lord desires to raise up the soul, even if He does so from the first day, there is no reason for fear; but let us restrain ourselves as I believe I said before. This little speck of lack of humility, even though it seems to be nothing, does much harm to progress in contemplation.
10. Returning to the second point, we are not angels but we have a body. To desire to be angels while we are on earth—and as much on earth as I was—is foolishness. Ordinarily, thought needs to have some support. If at times the soul goes out of itself or goes about so full of God that it has no need of any created thing to become recollected, this isn’t so usual. When one is in the midst of business matters, and in times of persecutions and trials, when one can’t maintain so much quietude, and in times of dryness, Christ is a very good friend because we behold Him as man and see Him with weaknesses and trials—and He is company for us. Once we have the habit, it is very easy to find Him present at our side, although there will come times when neither the one experience nor the other will be possible. In such an instance a good attitude is the one I’ve already mentioned:12 not to allow ourselves to be seekers of spiritual consolations. Thus, embracing the cross, come what may, is an important thing. This Lord was deprived of every consolation; they left Him alone in His trials. Let us not abandon Him, for He will give us better support than our own efforts that we might ascend higher, and He will absent Himself when He sees such absence is fitting and when He desires to draw the soul out of itself, as I said.13
11. God is very pleased to see a soul that humbly takes His son as mediator and that loves this Son so much that even when His Majesty desires to raise it to very lofty contemplation, as I have said,14 it is aware of its unworthiness, saying with St. Peter: Depart from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man.15
Such has been my experience; it’s the way God has led my soul. Others will journey, as I’ve said,16 by another short cut. What I have come to understand is that this whole groundwork of prayer is based on humility and that the more a soul lowers itself in prayer the more God raises it up. I don’t recall His ever having granted me one of the very notable favors of which I shall speak later if not at a time when I was brought to nothing at the sight of my wretchedness. And, so as to help me know myself, His Majesty even strove to give me an understanding of things that I wouldn’t have known how to imagine. I hold that when the soul does something on its own to help itself in this prayer of union, even though this may at first seem beneficial, it will very soon fall again since it doesn’t have a good foundation. I fear that it will never attain true poverty of spirit, which means being at rest in labors and dryness and not seeking consolation or comfort in prayer—for earthly consolation has already been abandoned—but seeking consolation in trials for love of Him who always lived in the midst of them. Although if some consolation is felt, it shouldn’t cause the disturbance and pain it does to some persons who think that if they aren’t always working with the intellect and striving for devotion all is lost—as though so great a blessing could be merited by their labor. I don’t say that they shouldn’t strive carefully to remain in God’s presence, but that if they can’t even get a good thought, as I’ve mentioned elsewhere;17 they shouldn’t kill themselves. We are useless servants, what do we think we can do?
12. But the Lord desires us to recognize our uselessness and become like the little donkeys that turn the waterwheel I’ve mentioned:18 although their eyes are blinded and they don’t know what they are doing, they obtain more water than the gardener does with all his activity. People must walk along this path in freedom, placing themselves in the hands of God. If His Majesty should desire to raise us to the position of one who is an intimate and shares His secrets, we ought to accept gladly; if not, we ought to serve in the humbler tasks and not sit down in the best place,19 as I’ve once said. God is more careful than we are, and He knows what is fitting for each one. What do persons gain by governing themselves when they have given their wills entirely to God? In my opinion, much less is allowed here than in the first degree of prayer, and the harm that can come is much greater. These blessings are supernatural. If individuals have bad voices, the effort to sing does them no good no matter how hard they try; if God desires to give them good voices, there is no need beforehand that there be any shouting. Thus, with souls surrendered to His will, yet trusting in His greatness, let us always beseech God to grant us favors. Since the soul receives permission to remain at the feet of Christ, it should endeavor not to leave that place. Let it remain there as it desires; let it imitate the Magdalene, for if it is strong, God will lead it into the desert.20
13. Thus, until Your Reverence finds someone with more experience than I, and who knows better, you should keep to this opinion. If there are persons who are beginning to find delight in God, do not believe them if they think that by helping themselves they are making progress and finding more consolation. Oh, when God so wills, how He is revealed openly without these little helps from us! For however much we may do, He carries off the spirit as a giant would a piece of straw—and no resistance suffices. What a strange belief it is, that the toad should expect to fly of itself whenever it wants. And it seems to me to be even more difficult and troublesome for our spirit to raise itself up if God doesn’t raise it, for it is weighed down with the earth and a thousand obstacles, and wanting to fly profits it little. Although flying is more natural to it than to the toad, it is so bogged down in the mud that through its own faults it lost this ability.
14. Well I want to conclude by saying this: As often as we think of Christ we should recall the love with which He bestowed on us so many favors and what great love God showed us in giving us a pledge like this of His love, for love begets love. Even if we are at the very beginning and are very wretched, let us strive to keep this divine love always before our eyes and to waken ourselves to love. If at some time the Lord should favor us by impressing this love on our hearts, all will become easy for us, and we shall carry out our tasks quickly and without much effort. May His Majesty give this love—since He knows how fitting it is for us—on account of the love He bore us and on account of His glorious Son, who demonstrated His love for us at so great a cost to Himself, amen.
15. There is one thing I should like to ask Your Reverence. When the Lord begins to grant such sublime favors to a soul, as is that of placing it in perfect contemplation, rightly speaking it should at once become completely perfect. Certainly this ought to be so because whoever receives so great a favor should not have to desire earthly consolations any more. Well why, then, as the soul grows accustomed to receiving favors and raptures, does it seem that the more favors it receives the more detached it becomes? For in one moment the Lord can leave it sanctified just as, with the passing of time, He afterward leaves it with perfection in the virtues?
This is what I want to know since I don’t know what the answer is. What I do know well is the difference between the fortitude God leaves when in the beginning the favor lasts no longer than the blinking of an eye, and is almost not felt save in its effects, and that which He leaves when it lasts longer. Often it seems to me the reason is that the soul doesn’t dispose itself completely until the Lord, fostering it little by little, gives it the determination and strength of an adult so that it might trample everything underfoot. What He did in a short time for the Magdalene His Majesty does for other persons in conformity with what they themselves do in order to allow Him to work. Let us not cease to believe that even in this life God gives the hundredfold.21
16. I was also thinking about this comparison. Since what is given to those who are further advanced is totally the same as that given to them in the beginning, we can compare it to a food that many persons eat. Those who eat just a little are left only with a good taste in their mouth for a short while; those who eat more, receive nourishment; those who eat a great deal receive life and strength. So frequently can these latter eat and so filled are they from this food of life that they no longer eat anything that satisfies them other than this food. They see how beneficial it is to them, and their taste has so adapted to this sweetness that it would prefer not living to having to eat other things that serve for no more than to take away the pleasing taste the good food leaves behind.
Neither is conversation with a saintly companion as beneficial when it lasts only one day as when it lasts many; and if it is prolonged over many, it will make us similar to the other—if God favors us. In the end, everything depends on what His Majesty desires and to whom He desires to give this food. But it is very important for whoever is already beginning to receive this favor to have the determination to become completely detached and to esteem the favor as it should be esteemed.
17. It also seems to me that His Majesty is testing to see who it is who loves Him; He tests now this one, now another, by revealing who He is with a superb delight and by quickening faith—if it is dead—in what He will give us, saying: “Look, this is but a drop from the vast sea of blessings.” He does this so as to leave nothing undone for those who love Him; in the measure He sees that they receive Him, so He gives and is given. He loves whoever loves Him; how good a beloved! How good a friend! O Lord of my soul, who has the words to explain what You give to those who trust in You and to explain what those lose who reach this state and yet remain with themselves! Do not desire a loss like this, Lord, since You do so much in coming to a dwelling place as shabby as mine. May You be blessed forever and ever!
18. If Your Reverence discusses with spiritual persons these things I have written on prayer, I again beg you that these persons be truly spiritual. For if they know only one road or have stalled in the middle, they will not be able to understand. There are some whom God right from the start leads by a very sublime path, and it seems to them that thus others will be able to profit by this path, quiet the intellect, and not make use of corporeal means, but in so doing those others will be left as dry as sticks. Some who have experienced a little quietude immediately think that since they have this quiet they can raise themselves up; and instead of advancing they slip backward, as I have said.22 So experience and discretion are necessary in all matters. May the Lord in His goodness give them to us.