Deals with the great favors the Lord granted her and how He appeared to her the first time. Explains what an imaginative vision is. Tells about the remarkable effects and signs this vision leaves behind when it is from God. This is a very instructive chapter and well worth noting.
TO RETURN TO OUR TOPIC,1 I passed some days—a few—in which I experienced this vision continually; it did me so much good that I never left prayer. No matter how much I did, I strove that it be done in such a way that it would not displease the One who I clearly saw was witnessing it. And although sometimes I was afraid on account of all the warnings they were giving, this fear didn’t last long, because the Lord was giving me assurance.
One day, while I was in prayer, the Lord desired to show me only His hands which were so very beautiful that I would be unable to exaggerate the beauty. This vision caused me great fear; any supernatural favor the Lord grants me frightens me at first, when it is new. After a few days I saw also that divine face which it seems left me completely absorbed. Since afterward He granted me the favor of seeing Him entirely, I couldn’t understand why the Lord showed Himself to me in this way, little by little, until later I understood that His Majesty was leading me in accordance with my natural weakness. May He be blessed forever! So much glory would have been unbearable next to so lowly and wretched a subject as I; and as one who knew this, the merciful Lord was preparing me.
2. It will seem to Your Reverence that strength like this wasn’t necessary to see some hands and so beautiful a face. Glorified bodies have such beauty that the sight of so supernatural a beauty deriving from glory causes confusion. Thus the vision caused me a fear so great that I was completely agitated and disturbed, although afterward I remained so certain and secure and felt such other effects that I immediately lost the fear.
3. One feast day of St. Paul, while I was at Mass, this most sacred humanity in its risen form was represented to me completely, as it is in paintings, with such wonderful beauty and majesty; I have written about it in particular to Your Reverence when you insistently ordered me to do so. And writing about it was very difficult for me to do because one cannot describe this vision without ruining it. But as best I could I have already told you about it,2 and so there is no reason to speak of it here again. I only say that if there were nothing else to provide delight for one’s vision in heaven than the exalted beauty of glorified bodies, this vision would be very great glory, especially the vision of the humanity of Jesus Christ, our Lord. And if even here on earth His Majesty shows Himself according to what our wretchedness can bear, what will be the glory when such a blessing is enjoyed completely?
4. I never saw this vision—nor any other—with my bodily eyes, even though it is an imaginative one.
Those who know more about these matters than I say that the intellectual vision is more perfect than this one and that this one is much more perfect than visions seen with the bodily eyes. These latter, corporeal visions, they say, are the lowest and the kind in which the devil can cause more illusions; although at that time I couldn’t understand this. But since an imaginative vision was being granted to me, I desired that I might see it with my bodily eyes so that my confessor wouldn’t tell me that I had imagined it. And after the vision passed away, it also happened to me—and this was at once—that I thought that I had imagined it; thinking I had deceived my confessor, I was bothered about having told it to him. This was another cause for tears, and I went and explained to him. He asked me whether it just seemed to me that I had deceived him or whether I had desired to deceive him. I told him the truth, for, in my opinion, I had not lied, nor had I intended to; nor for anything in the world would I say one thing for another. He well knew this, and so he tried to calm me. I felt so sorry for having gone to him with these things, for I don’t know how the devil got me to torment myself with the thought that I had made up the vision.
But so quickly did the Lord grant me this favor and declare this truth that very soon the doubt about my imagining it left me, and afterward I saw clearly my foolishness. If I should have spent many years trying to imagine how to depict something so beautiful, I couldn’t have, nor would I have known how to; it surpasses everything imaginable here on earth, even in just its whiteness and splendor.
5. The splendor is not one that dazzles; it has a soft whiteness, is infused, gives the most intense delight to the sight, and doesn’t tire it; neither does the brilliance, in which is seen the vision of so divine a beauty, tire it. It is a light so different from earthly light that the sun’s brightness that we see appears very tarnished in comparison with that brightness and light represented to the sight, and so different that afterward you wouldn’t want to open your eyes. It’s like the difference between a sparkling, clear water that flows over crystal and on which the sun is reflecting and a very cloudy, muddy water flowing along the ground. This doesn’t mean that the sun is represented or that the light resembles sunlight. It seems in fact like natural light, and the sunlight seems artificial. It is a light that has no night; nothing troubles it. In sum, it is of such a kind that a person couldn’t imagine what it is like in all of life’s days no matter how powerful the intellect. God gives it so suddenly that there wouldn’t even be time to open your eyes, if it were necessary to open them. For when the Lord desires to give the vision, it makes no more difference if they are opened than if they are closed; even if we do not desire to see the vision, it is seen. No distraction is enough to resist it, nor is there power or diligence or care enough to do so. I have clearly experienced this, as I shall say.3
6. What I should now like to speak of is the way in which the Lord reveals Himself by means of these visions. I don’t mean that I shall explain how such a strong light can be put in the interior faculty and so clear an image put in the intellect—for it seems truly that that’s where it is—because this is something for men of learning to explain. The Lord has not given me understanding of how this is done, and I am so ignorant and my intellect so dull that to no matter what extent these men of learning have desired to explain to me how this vision comes about, I have still not been able to understand. It is certain that even though it seems to Your Reverence that I have a lively intellect, I do not. In many things I’ve experienced that I don’t know any more than what is given me to eat, as the saying goes. Sometimes my confessors have been amazed at my ignorance. And I have never understood, nor have I desired to understand, how God causes this vision or how it could come about, nor did I ask, even though, as I have said,4 for many years now I’ve had contact with competent men of learning. Whether something was a sin or not—yes, this I did discuss with them. As for the rest, it wasn’t necessary for me to think anything but that God did it all. I saw there was no reason for me to be startled but to praise Him. Indeed the difficult things He does cause more devotion in me; and the more difficult, the more devotion they cause.
7. I shall then say what I have come to see through experience. How the Lord does it, Your Reverence will speak of better than I, and will explain what remains obscure and what I may not have known how to say. It seemed clear to me in some cases that what I saw was an image, but in many other instances, no; rather, it was Christ Himself by reason of the clarity with which He was pleased to reveal Himself to me. Sometimes the vision was so obscure that it seemed to me an image, not like an earthly drawing no matter how perfect it may be—for I have seen many good ones. It is foolish to think that an earthly drawing can look anything like a vision; it does so no more nor less than living persons resemble their portraits. No matter how good the portrait may have turned out, it can’t look so natural that in the end it isn’t recognized as a dead thing. But let us leave this example aside; it applies well here and is very exact.
8. I don’t say this example is a comparison—for comparisons are never so exact—but the truth. The difference lies in that which there is between living persons and paintings of them no more nor less. For if what is seen is an image, it is a living image—not a dead man, but the living Christ. And He makes it known that He is both man and God, not as He was in the tomb but as He was when He came out of the tomb after His resurrection. Sometimes He comes with such great majesty that no one could doubt but that it is the Lord Himself. Especially after receiving Communion—for we know that He is present, since our faith tells us this—He reveals Himself as so much the lord of this dwelling that it seems the soul is completely dissolved; and it sees itself consumed in Christ. O my Jesus! Who could make known the majesty with which You reveal Yourself! And, Lord of all the world and of the heavens, of a thousand other worlds and of numberless worlds, and of the heavens that You might create, how the soul understands by the majesty with which You reveal Yourself that it is nothing for You to be Lord of the world!
9. In this vision the powerlessness of all the devils in comparison with Your power is clearly seen, my Jesus; and it is seen how whoever is pleasing to You can trample all hell under foot. In this vision the reason is seen why the devils feared when You descended into limbo and why they would have preferred to be in another thousand lower hells in order to flee from such great majesty. I see that You want the soul to know how tremendous this majesty is and the power that this most sacred humanity joined with the Divinity has. In this vision there is a clear representation of what it will be like on Judgment Day to see the majesty of this King and to see its severity toward those who are evil. This vision is the source of the true humility left in the soul when it sees its misery, which it cannot ignore. This vision is the source of confusion and true repentance for sins; although the soul sees that He shows love, it doesn’t know where to hide, and so it is completely consumed.
I say that this vision has such tremendous power when the Lord desires to show the soul a great part of His grandeur and majesty that it would be impossible for any subject to endure it—unless the Lord should want to help it very supernaturally by placing it in rapture and ecstasy since in the enjoyment of that divine presence the vision of it is lost.
Is it true that it is forgotten afterward? That majesty and beauty remain so impressed that they are unforgettable, except when the Lord wishes the soul to suffer a great dryness and solitude of which I shall speak further on;5 for then it seems it even forgets God. The soul undergoes a change; it is always absorbed; it seems that a new, living, high degree of love is beginning. For although the intellectual vision, of which I spoke,6 that represents God in an imageless way is more perfect, a wonderful thing happens when so divine a presence is represented in the imagination so that in conformity with our weakness this presence can last in the memory and keep the thought well occupied. These two kinds of vision almost always come together. This is the way they occur: with the eyes of the soul we see the excellence, beauty, and glory of the most holy humanity; and through the intellectual vision, which was mentioned, we are given an understanding of how God is powerful, that He can do all things, that He commands all and governs all, and that His love permeates all things.
10. This vision is very worthy of esteem and, in my opinion, there is no danger in it, because by its effects it is known that the devil has no power here. It seems to me he has wanted to represent the Lord Himself in this way three or four times by a false representation. He takes the form of flesh, but he can’t counterfeit the image by giving it the glory that it has when it comes from God. He makes representations so as to destroy the true vision the soul has seen; but the soul of itself resists and is agitated, displeased, and disturbed since it loses the devotion and delight it had before and remains without any prayer. In the beginning this happened, as I said,7 three or four times. It is something so very different that even if one has experienced only the prayer of quiet, I believe that one will understand by the effects which were mentioned in speaking of locutions.8 This false representation is something very obvious; if the soul does not want to be deceived, and it walks in humility and simplicity, I don’t think it will be deceived. Anyone who has had a true vision from God can tell the false almost immediately, for, although this false vision begins with pleasure and delight, the soul hurls it from itself; and even the delight, I think, must be different—it doesn’t have the appearance of pure and chaste love. The devil very quickly shows who he is. So where there is experience, the devil, in my opinion, can do no harm.
11. That this vision from God could be the work of the imagination is the most impossible of impossible things; it is utter nonsense to think so, for the beauty and the whiteness of one hand alone is completely beyond our imagination. It’s impossible to see in a moment, without thinking or ever having thought about them, things represented that in a long time could not have been put together by the imagination, because they go far beyond, as I said,9 what we can comprehend here on earth. And if we could imagine something of the vision, the difference could still be seen clearly by this other factor that I shall now mention. For if the vision were represented by means of the intellect, apart from the fact that it wouldn’t produce any of the great effects that a true one produces, the soul would be left exhausted. Doing this would be like wanting to make oneself go to sleep and yet remaining awake because the sleep doesn’t come. When people need sleep or feel a weakness in the head and desire sleep, they do what they can and at times it seems they are achieving something. But if it isn’t true sleep that comes to them, they will not be sustained nor will they experience in their head a renewed feeling of strength; rather, they will feel more exhausted. Something similar would happen here; for if the intellect were to produce the vision, the soul would be left exhausted—not sustained and strong, but tired and displeased. One cannot exaggerate the richness that the true vision leaves; it even gives health to the body and leaves it comforted.
12. I gave this reason along with others when they told me that the devil was the cause or that I had fancied the vision and this was often—and I made comparisons as I could, and the Lord gave me understanding. But all of this proved to be of little avail. Since there were very holy persons in this place and compared to them I was a wretched person—and God was not leading them by this path, they immediately became fearful. For it seems that because of my sins, my secrets and confidences, which they came to know of, were spread around, although I spoke to no one about them except to my confessor or anyone he told me to tell.
13. I told them once that if they were to tell me that a person whom I knew very well and with whom I had just finished speaking were not that person, but that I had imagined it, I would without doubt, as they knew, believe what they said rather than what I had seen. But if this person were to leave me some jewels, and they were left in my hands as tokens of great love, I would not believe what they said, even though I desired, because I hadn’t had any jewels before and was poor, whereas now I found that I was rich. I was able to show them these jewels because all who knew me saw clearly that my soul was changed, and my confessor told me so. The difference in all things was very great; it was not feigned, but all could see it very clearly. I said that since I was previously so wretched I couldn’t believe that if the devil did this to deceive me and bring me to hell he would have taken a means as contrary as was that of removing vices and bestowing virtues and fortitude. For I saw clearly that by these experiences I was at once changed.
14. Insofar as I know, my confessor, as I say—who was a truly holy father from the Society of Jesus10—gave this same reply. He was very discreet and deeply humble; and this humility that was so great brought upon me many trials. For since he was a learned and very prayerful man, and the Lord didn’t lead him by this path, he didn’t trust in himself. He suffered many great trials in many ways on my account. I knew that they told him to be careful of me, that he shouldn’t let the devil deceive him by anything I told him; they brought up examples to him of other persons. All of this made me anxious. I feared that I would have no one who would hear my confession, but that all would run from me. I did nothing but weep.
15. By God’s providence he wanted to continue to hear my confession, for he was such a great servant of God that he would have put up with anything for God; so he advised me that I shouldn’t turn aside from what he told me or fear that he would fail me, and that I shouldn’t offend God. He always encouraged and comforted me. He always ordered me not to hold anything from him. I never did. He told me that if I followed this advice the devil wouldn’t be able to harm me even if the vision did come from him, but that rather the Lord would draw good out of the evil the devil desired to do my soul. This father strove for my soul’s perfection in every way he could. Since I had so much fear, I obeyed him in everything, although imperfectly; for on account of these trials he suffered a great deal during the three years or more that he was my confessor.11 In the great persecutions I suffered and in the many bad judgments the Lord allowed others to make of me—and often without their being at fault—everyone came to him, and he was blamed without any fault on his part.
16. It would have been impossible for him to suffer so much if he hadn’t been so holy and the Lord hadn’t encouraged him. He had to respond to those who thought I was going astray; and they didn’t believe him. On the other hand he had to calm me and heal the fear I had by putting greater stress on the fear of offending God. He also had to assure me; for since in each vision there was something new, God permitted that I afterward be left with great fears. Everything happened to me because I was and had been such a sinner. This father comforted me with great pity. If he would have trusted in himself more, I wouldn’t have suffered so much; God gave him understanding of the truth in all things—the very Sacrament itself enlightened him, I believe.
17. Those servants of God who were not so sure about me conversed with me often.12 Since I spoke carelessly about some things, they interpreted my intention differently and thought that what I said, without my being careful, as I say, showed little humility. (I loved one of them very much because my soul owed him an infinite debt and he was very holy; I felt it infinitely when I saw that he didn’t understand me; he strongly desired that I might advance and that the Lord might give me light.) Upon seeing some little fault in me—for they saw many—everything else was immediately condemned. They asked me some things; I answered plainly and carelessly. At once they supposed that I wanted to teach them and that I thought I was wise. It would all get back to my confessor, for certainly they desired my good; and he would again scold me.
18. This lasted for a long time, in which I was afflicted on all sides, although I was able to bear those trials by means of the favors the Lord was granting me. I say this so that it might be known what a great trial it is not to have someone who has experience of this spiritual path; if the Lord hadn’t favored me so much, I don’t know what would have happened to me. There were enough things to drive me insane, and sometimes I found myself in such straits that I didn’t know what to do other than raise my eyes to the Lord. For the opposition of good men to a little woman, wretched, weak, and fearful like myself, seems to be nothing when described in so few words; yet among the very severe trials I suffered in my life, this was one of the most severe. Please the Lord that I may have served His Majesty somewhat through this trial. For I am very certain that those who accused and condemned me were serving Him, and that it was all for my greater good.