I think more than a year has passed since I put the above in writing. God has kept me in His hands throughout that time, for I haven’t become worse; rather, I see much improvement in what I shall describe. May He be praised for everything.2
2. The visions and revelations have not ceased, but they are much more sublime. The Lord has taught me a mode of prayer by which I find I make more progress and have much greater detachment from the things of this life, with greater courage and freedom. The raptures have increased. At times they come with an impulse and in such a way that without my being able to help myself they are noticeable externally, and they come even while I am in the company of others. They are of such a kind that they cannot be concealed, unless—since I suffer from heart sickness—I let it be thought I’m having some fainting spell. Although I take great care to resist them at the beginning, sometimes I’m unable.
3. In the matter of poverty, I think God has bestowed on me great favor; for I wouldn’t even want to keep what is necessary, unless it were an alms. And so I have a strong desire to be in a place where I live only on alms. It seems to me that when I’m in a place where I’m certain I shall not be lacking food and clothing, I don’t fulfill as perfectly the vow, or the counsel of Christ, as when I’m where there will be no income and these things will be sometimes lacking. The blessings gained through true poverty I think are many, and I wouldn’t want to lose them. I am often aware of a faith within me so great that I think God cannot fail anyone who serves Him. I know that there never is or will be any time in which His words will fail; for I cannot persuade myself otherwise, nor can I fear. So I feel very sad when they counsel me to have an income; and I turn to God.
4. It seems to me I have much more compassion for the poor than I used to. I feel such great pity and desire to find relief for them that if it were up to me I would give them the clothes off my back. I feel no repugnance whatsoever toward them, toward speaking to or touching them. This I now see is a gift given by God. For even though I used to give alms for love of Him, I didn’t have the natural compassion. I feel a very noticeable improvement in this matter.
5. With regard to gossip about me, which is engaged in by many and to my detriment, I also experience improvement. What they say doesn’t seem to make any more impression upon me than it would upon a simpleton, and it seems to me sometimes or almost always that they are right. I feel so little grief about it that I still don’t think I have anything to offer God. Since I have experience of the great gain that comes to my soul, I rather think these things do me good. And so when I go to prayer, no feelings of hostility toward my critics remain in me. For when I first hear about some criticism, it causes me a little feeling of opposition but not disquiet or disturbance. Rather, when I sometimes see other persons taking pity on me, it happens that I laugh to myself; for all the insults in this life seem to be of such little consequence that there is nothing to feel sorry about. I imagine myself to be going about in a dream, and I see that upon awakening it will all amount to nothing.
6. Through visions God gives me more intense desires, a greater inclination toward solitude, and much greater detachment, as I have said. For they have made me understand what everything is, and even made me give up friends and relatives, which is the smallest sacrifice; rather, relatives tire me very much. Since it’s for the purpose of serving God a little more, I give them up with complete freedom and satisfaction, and so I find peace everywhere.
7. Some advice I received in prayer turned out to be very true for me. Thus from the viewpoint of my being favored by God, I find I’m much improved. But from the viewpoint of my doing my part to serve Him, I am much more wretched; for I’ve had more consolation, because it has been offered—even though it frequently pains me very much—and done less penance. The great honor that is shown me is often directly contrary to my desire.