All day yesterday I felt very lonely, for except when I received Communion I benefited little from the fact that it was Easter Sunday. At night when I was with all the sisters, a little song was sung about how hard it is to endure life without God.2 Since I was already afflicted, the effect upon me was so great that my hands began to grow numb. My efforts to resist weren’t enough; but just as I am carried out of my senses through the joyous raptures, so in the same way through extreme affliction my soul is suspended, for it is left enraptured. And even to the present day, I haven’t understood this. Rather, for some days it seemed to me that I hadn’t been experiencing impulses as great as I previously had, and now I think the reason is this one I mentioned. I don’t know if it could be that previously the affliction wasn’t great enough to make me go out of myself. Since it is so intolerable, and I was still in possession of my senses, it caused me to make loud cries without my being able to avoid doing so. Now, since the pain has increased, it has reached this extreme of transpiercing the soul. I have understood better what our Lady experienced,3 for until today—as I say—I did not understand the nature of this transpiercing. The body remains so torn apart that even what I write today causes suffering, for my hands are as though disjoined and in pain.
2. Your Reverence can tell me when you see me whether pain can cause suspension and whether I experience it as it is or whether I’m being deceived.
3. Even this morning I felt the pain, for while in prayer I experienced a great rapture. And it seemed that our Lord brought my spirit next to His Father and said to Him; “This soul You have given to Me, I give to You.” And it seemed the Father took me to Himself. This was not an imaginative vision, but it caused such great certitude and had a delicacy so spiritual that I don’t know how to describe it at all. He spoke some words I do not recall; certain of them were about granting me a favor. It was for some time that He kept me near Him.
4. Since Your Reverence went away so quickly yesterday (and I realize that your many occupations do not allow you time to be consoling me, even when necessary—for I see that Your Reverence’s duties concern more important things), I remained afflicted and sad for awhile. Perhaps the loneliness I mentioned contributed to this. Since I don’t think I’m attached to any creature on earth, I felt some scruple and feared lest I begin to lose this freedom. This sadness happened last night. And today our Lord responded and told me I shouldn’t be surprised, that just as human beings desire companionship in order to communicate about the joys of their sensual natures so the soul desires when there is someone who understands it to communicate about its joys and pains; and it becomes sad when there is no one. He told me: “He is doing well and his deeds are pleasing to Me.”
5. Since our Lord remained some time with me, I recalled I had told Your Reverence that these visions pass away quickly. He told me there is a difference between this one and the imaginative ones and that there couldn’t be any fixed rule about the favors He grants us because sometimes it was fitting that they take place in one way and at other times in another way.
6. One day after receiving Communion, it seemed most clear to me that our Lord sat beside me; and He began to console me with great favors, and He told me among other things: “See Me here, daughter, for it is I; give Me your hands.” And it seemed He took them and placed them on His side and said: “Behold My wounds. You are not without Me. This short life is passing away.”
From certain things He told me, I understood that after He ascended to heaven He never came down to earth to commune with anyone except in the most Blessed Sacrament.
He told me that immediately after His resurrection He went to see our Lady because she then had great need and that the pain she experienced so absorbed and transpierced her soul that she did not return immediately to herself to rejoice in that joy.
By this I understood how different was this other transpiercing, the one of my soul. But what must have been that transpiercing of the Blessed Virgin’s soul! He also said that He had remained a long time with her because it was necessary in order to console her.