O my God and my infinite Wisdom, measureless and boundless and beyond all the human and the angelic intellects! O love that loves me more than I can love myself or understand! Why, Lord, do I want to desire more than what You want to give me? Why do I want to tire myself in asking You for something decreed by my desire? For with regard to everything my intellect can devise and my desire can want You’ve already understood my soul’s limits, and I don’t understand how my desire will help me. In this that my soul thinks it will gain, it will perhaps lose. For if I ask You to free me from a trial, and the purpose of that trial is my mortification, what is it that I’m asking for, my God? If I beg You to give the trial, it perhaps is not a suitable one for my patience, which is still weak and cannot suffer such a forceful blow. And if I suffer it with patience and am not strong in humility, it may be that I will think I’ve done something, whereas You do it all, my God. If I want to suffer, but not in matters in which it might seem unfitting for Your service that I lose my reputation—since as for myself I don’t know of any concern in me about honor—it may be that for the very reason I think my reputation might be lost, more will be gained on account of what I’m seeking, which is to serve You.
2. I could say many more things about this, Lord, in order to explain that I don’t understand myself. But since I know You understand these things, why am I speaking? So that when I awaken to my misery, my God, and see my blind reason, I might be able to see whether I find this misery in what I write. How often I see myself, my God, so wretched, weak, and fainthearted. For I go about looking for what your servant has done, since it already seemed to her she had received favors from You to fight against the tempests of this world. But no, my God, no; no more trust in anything I can desire for myself. Desire from me what You want to desire, because this is what 1 want; for all my good is in pleasing You. And if You, my God, should desire to please me by fulfilling all that my desire seeks, 1 see that 1 would be lost.
3. How miserable is the wisdom of mortals and uncertain their providence!1 May You through Your providence, Lord, provide the necessary means by which my soul may serve You at Your pleasure rather than at its own. Don’t punish me by giving me what 1 want or desire if Your love, which lives in me always, doesn’t desire it. May this “I” die, and may another live in me greater than I and better for me than I, so that I may serve Him. May He live and give me life. May He reign, and may I be captive, for my soul doesn’t want any other liberty. How will he be free who is a stranger to the Most High? What greater or more miserable captivity than for a soul to be loosed from the hand of its Creator? Happy are those who with the strong fetters and chains of the kindnesses of the mercy of God find themselves prisoners and deprived of the power to break loose. Love is strong as death, and unyielding as hell,2 Oh, that I might be slain by Him and thrown into this divine hell where there is no longer any hope of coming out; or better, any fear of finding oneself outside! But, woe is me, Lord; while this mortal life lasts, eternal life is ever in danger!
4. O life at enmity with my good; who has leave to bring you to an end? I bear with you because God bears with you; I maintain you because you are His; do not be a traitor or ungrateful to me.
Nonetheless, woe is me, Lord, for my exile is long3 Short is all life in exchange for Your eternity; very long is one day alone and one hour for those who don’t know and who fear whether they will offend You! O free will, so much the slave of your freedom if you don’t live fastened with fear and love of your Creator! Oh, when will that happy day arrive when you will see yourself drowned in the infinite sea of supreme truth, where you will no longer be free to sin! Nor will you want to sin, for you will be safe from every misery, naturalized by the life of your God!
5. He is blessed, because He knows, loves, and rejoices in Himself without any other thing being possible. He neither has nor can have—nor would He be a perfect God if He did have—the freedom to forget Himself or cease loving Himself. Then, my soul, you will enter into your rest when you become intimate with this supreme Good, understand what He understands, love what He loves, and rejoice in what gives Him joy. Now, you will find you’ve lost your changeable will; now, there shall be no more change! For God’s grace will have done so much that by it you will be so perfect a sharer in His divine nature4 that you shall no longer be able, or want to be able, to forget the supreme Good or fail to enjoy Him together with His love.
6. Blessed are those who are written in the book of this life.5 But you, my soul, if you are written there, why are you sad and why do you disturb me? Hope in God, for even now I will confess to Him my sins and His mercies.6 And putting these all together, I shall make a song of praise with perpetual sighs to my Savior and my God. There may come a day when my glory will sing to Him,7 and when my conscience will not feel compunction, where all sighs and fears will have ceased; but in the meantime, in silence and hope will be my strength.8 I want to live and die in striving and hoping for eternal life more than for the possession of all creatures and all their goods; for these will come to an end. Don’t abandon me, Lord, because I hope that in You my hope will not be confounded;9 may I always serve You; and do with me whatever You will.