6

MY YEAR of novitiate having come to a close, I at once asked our Reverend Mother for the favor of being admitted to Holy Profession of Vows, in spite of my unworthiness. Although she did not seem too anxious, and justifiably so, knowing as she did that I hardly had the proper understanding of what it really meant to become a Carmelite, yet acceding to my entreaties, she made ready for my Profession in spite of my meager virtue and capacity. I was now told that I must present myself three times before the Chapter composed of the Prioress and of the Professed Chapter Sisters in order to ask them to admit me to my Profession of Vows. On learning this, I felt inspired to perform a little exercise of piety each time before presenting myself to the Chapter, to be more sure of securing the Infant Jesus as my spouse. I truly believed that if I hoped to obtain the Divine Infant as my Bridegroom it was necessary for me first to address my petition for this favor to the three persons entitled to exercise any rights over Him, that is, the Eternal Father, the Blessed Virgin and St. Joseph. Having addressed my fervent petitions to these three Persons, I obtained my desired favor, for the community, in spite of my unworthiness, admitted me to make my Profession on June 8, 1841, and thus I celebrated my spiritual nuptials with Jesus, my Divine Spouse.

The priest who, while I was in the world, had directed me in my vocation came to officiate at the ceremony and also preached, taking for his text the words: "All nations shall call Me blessed." Attempting to make me understand the beauty of the State of life which I had embraced, the priest repeated several times in the course of his sermon: "You are blessed." He had good reason for emphasizing this because my vocation was, indeed, replete with delights and full of blessings.

The following is the consecration which I made on this beautiful day.

CONSECRATION

Oh, Eternal God, uniting myself with Jesus, my Saviour, immolated for the salvation of the world, I ask You to accept the full sacrifice of myself which I now make, with Him and through Him.

Oh, Jesus, I offer myself to You on the altar of Your Divine Heart through the hands of Mary and of Joseph, begging them to be the guardians and custodians of my vows.

Oh, dearest Holy Family of my heart, accept the entire donation and consecration which I make of myself to your service. On this day, through the hands of our holy mother St. Teresa, and our holy father St. John of the Cross, I offer myself entirely to You for the accomplishment of your designs in my soul. Look upon me as your property and taking charge of my Holy Vows, fulfill them in me through your powerful protection.

Oh, Jesus, my adorable Spouse, since I am so poor, so miserable and so inconstant in doing good, allow me to borrow all the dispositions and love of your Holy Mother and of her august spouse, for it is through the voice and the heart of Mary and of Joseph that I make my profession, and I promise poverty, chastity and obedience to Almighty God, to our Saviour, and to the Blessed Virgin Mary, under the guidance of our legitimate superiors in accordance with the Primitive Rule of the Order of Mount Carmel, of the Reform of St. Teresa, without any mitigation until death.

Oh, Divine Infant Jesus, on this day I unite my sacrifice to the one which You made to Your Eternal Father at the time of Your Presentation in the Temple. On that occasion You offered Yourself in order to redeem me from my sins, and today I wish to offer myself in turn in order to redeem You from the hands of sinners.

Oh, Mary, my tender Mother and you, my good father St. Joseph, who have offered to the high priests two little doves to repurchase the Infant Jesus, kindly offer to the Eternal Father, upon the Altar of the Heart of Jesus, my body and my soul, to repurchase this Divine Infant from the hands of sinners, and to heal His wounds, particularly those of His Divine Heart which I so desire to love.

Beseech Him, moreover, dear Mary and Joseph, to engrave within my soul all the Features of His Divine Likeness, so that it will not be I any longer who live, but rather that it be Jesus who taking birth again may live in me.

Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph, you know with what ardor and joy I would have offered myself as your household servant had I had the blessing of living at the time that you inhabited the earth. It is with these same sentiments of love that I have for you, that I undertake to serve this holy community, and as if I beheld you living in this house, I offer you everything that I will do. As I belong entirely to you, look upon me as your little domestic servant, and dispose of me according to your own pleasure. AMEN.

SISTER MARY OF ST. PETER
AND OF THE HOLY FAMILY,
UNWORTHY CARMELITE

June 8, 1841

Having thus given myself entirely to the Holy Child Jesus as His little household servant, He very soon inspired me to watch over the flocks of His sheep, grazing on the pasture lands of His Holy Childhood, to which sheep I will refer as the Twelve Tribes of Israel. Our Lord now traced out for me a plan of little spiritual exercises intended to honor the twelve years of His Holy Childhood.

To honor the first year of the Infant Jesus, I offered to Him through the hands of Mary and Joseph the Pope and all ordained clergymen of Holy Church, placing them under the protection of St. Peter and of St. Paul.

To honor the second year of the Infant Jesus, I offered Him all the Religious, placing them under the protection of St. John and the other Holy Apostles.

To honor the third year of the Child Jesus, I offered Him all the Rulers of the earth, placing them under the protection of the Holy King David and the Three Wise Magi-Kings.

To honor the fourth year of the Child Jesus, I offered Him all Freemasons, placing them under the protection of the Holy Martyrs, and asking the Divine Infant for their conversion.

To honor the fifth year of the Child Jesus, I offered Him all Actors, placing them under the protection of St. John the Baptist and of St. Sylvester, in order that the Holy Infant might enlighten them.

To honor the sixth year of the Child Jesus, I offered Him infidel nations, placing them under the protection of the nine choirs of angels, asking them to make the torch of faith shine upon them.

To honor the seventh year of the Child Jesus, I offered Him all heretics and schismatics, placing them under the protection of the Patriarchs.

To honor the eighth year of the Child Jesus, I offered Him the Jews, placing them under the protection of St. Ann and of St. Joachim.

To honor the ninth year of the Child Jesus, I offered Him all unbelievers, placing them under the protection of the holy Prophets.

To honor the tenth year of the Child Jesus, I offered Him all hardened sinners, placing them under the protection of the holy Confessors.

To honor the eleventh year of the Child Jesus, I offered Him all tepid souls, placing them under the protection of the holy Women.

To honor the twelfth year of the Child Jesus, I offered Him all just souls, placing them under the protection of our holy mother St. Teresa and all other Holy Virgins.

Behold then this sheepfold surrounding the crib of the Child Jesus, which I continuously tended, the Saviour in the meantime taking charge of my soul to such a degree that I may well say He was its Director and its Master.

For a very long period I continued to practice the special spiritual exercises honoring the Child Jesus, as I applied myself to meditate exclusively on the mysteries of the Divine Childhood.

But finally our Lord indicated that He wanted me to meditate also on the mysteries of His adult life. He now urged me to honor Him by contemplating daily all the mysteries of His Holy Life. Such a mental exercise which involved meditation on the thirty-three years of the Life of Jesus, to be undertaken and finished in one day, and repeated every day thereafter, might appear complicated. However, although I now practiced it daily, I never found it tiring or fatiguing. All I had to do was to submit to grace and follow the light which our Lord gave me, and thus without any effort on my part I was able to complete these long meditations comprising all the mysteries of the Life of Jesus each day.

When I told our Reverend Mother of these lengthy interior devotions which I was now inspired to practice, she asked me to give her a full account of them in writing. The following is a copy of the written report which I submitted to her at the time, explaining in detail how I meditated at different hours of the day on the Life of our Saviour.

DAILY MEDITATION

Beginning at eight o'clock in the evening, I offer myself as a little servant to the Blessed Virgin and to St. Joseph, and then I commence to guard and to tend all the nations of the earth, the flocks of the Holy Infant Jesus, which is the Mystical Body and His Holy Wounds, as I adore the Mystery of the Incarnation until nine o'clock.

When the bell announcing Matins rings at nine, I contemplate the birth of the Infant Jesus, uniting myself with the Holy Angels and with the Shepherds and the Magi who adored Him.

At the first Nocturn, I adore the Nativity of the Word in the bosom of His Father, as I contemplate His Divine Life.

At the second Nocturn, I adore His Birth in the stable, as I consider now His mortal life on earth.

At the third Nocturn, I honor His sacramental Birth in the Eucharist, His spiritual Birth in our hearts, and also His glorious life in Heaven after His Ascension.

At the beginning of each of the nine psalms of Matins, I unite myself with the nine choirs of Angels to adore our Lord and Saviour.

At the "Te Deum" which concludes Matins, I adore the Infant Jesus manifesting Himself to the Jews in the persons of the shepherds, who having been invited by the Angels came to adore Him.

Then during the Psalms of Lauds, I adore the Holy Infant circumcised and named Jesus, worshiping Him with the Three Kings who adored Him as God, as King, and as Man.

Such is my interior occupation during Matins and Lauds.

Returning from these prayers in choir, I enter our cell where I continue further to tend the flocks of the Infant Jesus until eleven o'clock at night. I guard these flocks by begging the Divine Saviour to fill them with blessings, by applying to all these sheep His infinite merits. Finally I go to bed, taking my rest in union with the Holy Infant Jesus as He rests in the manger.

When morning comes, I rise at the first stroke of the bell, and adoring the Eternal Father, I address Him in union with the Infant Jesus saying: "Here I am, my Father. Behold, I come to do Your will."

I then go to the choir for mental prayer, in union with Mary and with Joseph, imagining myself carrying the Holy Infant Jesus to the Temple, and during my prayer I offer myself with Him to His Divine Father. I also renew my Holy Vows. Then I dedicate everything to the Divine Saviour, as I offer Him to the Eternal Father for the salvation of His sheep.

Prayer being finished, I accompany the Holy Family to Nazareth. But soon the bell rings for prayer, this time for the Little Hours of the Holy Office, and I picture myself departing with the Holy Family to Egypt. During the twelve psalms of Prime, Terce, Sext and None, I adore the twelve years of the Holy Child Jesus, honoring His years of exile in Egypt, and concluding with His return to Nazareth, and His discourse in the Temple of Jerusalem in the midst of the doctors of the law.

After Holy Mass, there follow the hours of manual labor, during which time I apply myself to considering the labors and the hidden life of our Lord.

At eleven o'clock, I adore Jesus baptized by St. John, and from noon to one o'clock, I am occupied meditating on Jesus in the desert.

From one to two o'clock, I honor His evangelical life, as I consider His preaching and admonishing.

At two o'clock when the bell rings for Vespers, I adore the triumphant entry of Jesus into Jerusalem and I enter choir in union with Him. During Vespers of the Divine Office, I remain in spirit at His feet, adoring all the sentiments of His Divine Heart during His last week on earth, as I ponder also the excess of His love which constrained Him to institute the Blessed Sacrament of the Altar.

After Vespers I enter in spirit into the Garden of Olives and spend the rest of the late afternoon following our Lord, in union with Mary, as He undergoes the sorrowful passion.

At five o'clock the bell rings for mental prayer. Adoring Jesus crucified, I make my prayer at the foot of the cross, where in the Sacred Heart of Jesus, I begin to examine my conscience. After humbling myself before our Lord for my faults, I give myself entirely to Him, renewing my holy vows in union with the sacrifice of this Divine Saviour on the cross.

After I have in this way given myself anew to our Lord, it seems to me that He reciprocates and in turn gives Himself to me together with all His merits. Uniting my soul with His, He allows me to share all His desires, and to partake of the glory which He renders to His Celestial Father in His Victim State. Thus I lose myself, as with my Divine Spouse I contemplate the glory of God and the salvation of souls. I then find in the Sacred Heart of Jesus all the mysteries of His Holy Life, as I behold there also His merits, and all the flocks of His sheep.

Then I commence to offer the various mysteries of the life of Jesus to the Eternal Father, for this or for another sheepfold of the flocks of the Holy Child Jesus. I proceed also to offer to the Heavenly Father the four parts of the world, placing them in the four sacred wounds of His feet and His hands. I further enclose the twelve flocks of sheep of the Holy Family into the Sacred Heart of Jesus.

Next I offer to the Eternal Father the souls in purgatory, placing them in the other wounds of the adorable body of Jesus. Thus do I offer this Holy Victim through the hands of the Blessed Virgin to the Eternal Father as a holocaust in thanksgiving, in expiation, and in petition; and also as a warrant of complacence and of mercy in honor of all the immense perfections of the Most Holy Trinity. Finally, I worship the last sigh of Jesus on the cross. This then is the substance of my meditation with which our Lord inspires me during evening prayer, that is from five to six o'clock.

During the rest of the day I consider Jesus buried in the sepulchre until Complin. Finally I worship Jesus in His glorious resurrection from the tomb, and then I contemplate Him as He ascends into Heaven.

Such are the spiritual exercises which I practice every day. However, in order that our Lord should lead me in this way, it is necessary for me to die to everything that gratifies my senses. For me there remains only one thing and that is to profoundly humble myself. God Alone, His will and His glory, these are my motto. All my actions are governed according to these two quotations from Scripture: "And He was subject to them," as also, "I did not come to be served but to serve."

Our Lord makes me understand very vividly how incapable I am of any good, and how deep is my misery. However, as the Holy Child Jesus leads His donkey with the bridle of His holy grace, I have but to obey Him and renounce myself.

Our Reverend Mother in her wisdom did all she could to ascertain the spirit by which I was led. In order to make me more humble, she used to reprimand and humiliate me, endeavoring to make me proceed along the ordinary road of spiritual perfection. And although I did whatever I could to obey her, yet I soon found myself in the same path. She then made me speak with a priest, well versed in the interior life, a member also of a religious Order, saying to me:

"My child, tell the priest exactly how you make your prayer, and confide to him all that concerns the way God is leading you."

I was grateful to be able to do what our charitable Mother had prescribed, and I opened my soul to this priest. Having examined everything carefully, he said to me:

"My daughter, continue without fear in your present way and allow our Lord to lead you. I assure you that your way of life has a solid foundation for it is grounded on the spirit of self-denial. Tell your Reverend Mother that I am satisfied, and that I will also speak with her."

Our prudent Mother thereupon permitted me to abandon myself to the spirit of God, and she even gave me a wise counsel, urging me to be very faithful to His inspirations of grace. She told me however to respond to the call of grace only when I was drawn by it, and to return to active works when the operation of God had passed. But since I had no employment to distract me from feeling the presence of God, all my days were but one endless meditation, if I may so express myself. What work I did have did not prevent me in the least from continually communing with our Lord. Since I was not tried by distractions or dryness, I suppose I did not gain much merit.

However, very soon our charitable Mother, who watched zealously over my soul and my spiritual progress, entrusted me with an occupation well intended to force me to practice self-denial. The office which she now gave me was that of Portress.

This employment, so distracting, was not at all in harmony with my attraction for prayer and for silence. But I looked upon this order of our Reverend Mother as a command from heaven and I submitted to it with joy. Reflecting moreover that I was given this office on Christmas Day itself, I deemed this as a sure sign that the Holy Infant Jesus had chosen me to be His little household servant and that He intended from now on to employ me as such by allowing me to run the errands in His house. I then made a new offering of myself to the Divine Child.

Assuming my new duties I wished very much to have a small statue of the Divine Child in order to give Him more homage. Not daring, however, to ask Reverend Mother for one, it seemed to me one day that this Divine Infant told me me that I had but to ask for it and that it would be given to me. I did as I was urged and the favor was granted me. So it was that I now had a statue of the Holy Infant Jesus while at work in our turn-room, where I offered Him all my little labors, asking Him to give me souls as payment for my errands. In spite of my unworthiness this Divine Child supplied all the graces I needed for my new work as portress in such a way that it in no way prevented my interior recollection, nor did it keep me from being united to our Lord at prayer time. I used to weep during the day for the salvation of the flocks of sheep of the Holy Child Jesus and at prayer in the evening He would repay me a hundredfold.

But since at certain times during the day, through a powerful grace, I would feel our Lord's presence sensibly in my soul, I used to leave off doing some of my work for a short while in order to harken to His voice with greater ease. One day as I wondered whether this was allowed without first securing permission, I went to the Reverend Mother asking for it. Since her solicitude for my soul was such that she overlooked nothing that would help me practice self-denial, she forbade me to stop work to heed these interior communications of grace, adding:

"However, I do permit you to rest a bit when you feel yourself very much distracted."

Thanks be to God, I followed all her wise counsels feeling that she showed much charity towards my soul, and realizing too that she had a special grace to lead me.

I think it was in 1843, that our Lord told me to pray in a very particular manner for Spain which was at that time ravaged by a revolution. I have never before felt my soul so united to our Lord as I did during this time, as I saw Him accomplishing in me something which I can neither explain nor understand. It seems to me that I heard our Lord asking special graces for Spain from His Eternal Father, and in so pressing a manner, that I was very much astonished. It seemed to me, too, that He invited me to plead for this cause in His name. As I commence to explain this deep mystery of love, I see that instead of clarifying it, I only make it appear more involved, and therefore I prefer to abandon it, leaving it to God.