8

BUT NOW the hour had come and our Lord indicated that He would not proceed to construct His edifice on the ground of my soul without this special Act. On the eve of the renewal of my holy vows, it seems to me that I saw the Holy Child Jesus intimately in my soul, and I begged Him to take entire possession of my being that nothing might remain in me that would not belong to Him. But so that He could accomplish His designs within me, it now seemed to me that He desired and asked me again for a Complete Act of Perfect Oblation.

True, I had already made Him a small Act of self-abandonment in writing which I showed to Reverend Mother, asking her to permit me to make it, which she did, but it was to be only a simple, ordinary act of consecration. Now the Divine Child made me understand that I had received permission to make that act only very imperfectly, and that I had been somewhat remiss since I had not explained myself fully as to the nature of this oblation to my superior. Hence, the Holy Infant Jesus made me understand that if I really wanted my soul to belong entirely to Him, in order that He could operate all that He wished within me, it was absolutely necessary for me to ask again and to obtain the full and explicit consent of my superiors to make this Perfect Act of Self-Sacrifice.

This fault for which the Holy Infant now reproached me, although He accepted it in good faith, I must here confess. This is the way it happened. It has undoubtedly been noticed by now that on several occasions I had asked permission to make the Act of Perfect Abandonment which the Lord demanded of me for the accomplishment of His designs, but always it was judged proper not to allow me to make this Act. Offering my will to our Lord I always submitted to obedience. But one day on the Feast of the Annunciation, I experienced a fervent overflow of Devotion towards the Divine Child Jesus, and learning that one of the sisters in our convent also experienced a similar attraction to the Holy Infancy of our Lord, we both agreed to consecrate ourselves in a special manner to this Divine Child, it being March 25, the Feast of His Incarnation.

I was given the task of composing the Act of Consecration, and I proceeded to formulate this prayer in such a way that it might answer as the perfect donation of myself for which our Lord so repeatedly asked me. Not wishing to make this Act without permission, however, yet fearing that I would again be refused were I to ask it myself, I induced the other sister to ask Reverend Mother's permission for both of us to make this Act and our good Mother allowed us to do it. I was filled with joy thinking within myself that I had at last attained to my goal.

But I soon learned that the Divine Infant Jesus does not like guile, and that He received this Act from me merely as a simple act of consecration, which was the intention of my superioress when she granted her permission.

In consequence of this, the Divine Child now told me that I must expressly ask for this permission from my superiors anew, in order to receive from them their full consent. Very humbly, therefore, I confessed my fault to our Reverend Mother, and explained to her what our Lord had me understand. She in turn took it up with our confessor, and finally, by the Grace of God, I was given full permission to make my Act of Perfect Self-Sacrifice.

It seems important for me to mention here how altogether right it was that our Lord should expressly demand an Act of complete self-abandonment of myself for the accomplishment of His designs, in view of the fact that He is the Sovereign Master of all His creatures? Should He therefore not be free to do in their persons and in them all that He wants?

As for our Lord desiring me to secure first the consent of my superiors before making my Act of Oblation, this was essential since they were to have a large share in the Work which the Divine Saviour wanted to build on the poor ground of my soul. I was to be of service to them only as a puny instrument employed in this project of God, and since they were to suffer many contradictions in the Work of Reparation, our Lord respected, in a way, their free will.

I made the following Act of Oblation on December 25, 1843, the Feast of the Birth of the Holy Infant Jesus. I placed the written formula in the hands of the Blessed Virgin just before Matins of the Feast of Christmas, begging her to offer this Act to Jesus born at midnight in the stable at Bethlehem.

ACT OF PERFECT OBLATION TO THE MOST HOLY CHILD JESUS, ACCORDING TO HIS WILL IN MY REGARD, FOR THE ACCOMPLISHMENT OF HIS DESIGNS TO THE GLORY OF THE HOLY NAME OF GOD

Oh, Most Holy and most amiable Child Jesus, behold the day which I have so much desired has at last arrived. Now, without fear of failing in obedience, I can with all freedom offer myself entirely to You for the accomplishment of Your designs, to whatever extent You may desire to exercise Your will and Your power over my soul.

I am very unworthy, it is true, to make You this offering, but Oh, Divine Child, since it seems to me that You desire this, deign to purify me, Your victim, by the tears of Your Holy Infancy and by Your Most Precious Blood.

Yes, on this ever memorable night of Your august birth, my Divine Spouse, bending low before You in Your crib, I freely offer my entire being to You, through the blessed hands of Mary and of Joseph on the altar of Your heart inflamed with love, and it is there that under the protection of the angels and the saints, I make You an act of entire abandonment of myself, and I resign to You also whatever meager merits I have acquired since the day of my birth, and also of all those merits which I may acquire until the day of my death through Your holy grace, all for the accomplishment of Your designs and for the glory of the Holy Name of God.

Oh, Divine Child, You Who did say to Your holy mother when she found You in the temple of Jerusalem: "Why did you seek me? Did you not know that I must be about My Father's business?" deign to receive me as Your disciple. Grant that from now on, I may, in union with You, be occupied only with those things that appertain to the service of Your Eternal Father, for the glory of His Holy Name.

Oh, most Holy Child, God and man, I renounce myself, and I give myself entirely to You. Do with me and in me all that will please You for the accomplishment of Your designs. I am Your property, therefore take possession of me completely. Yes, Oh, Divine Child, with all my heart and most affectionately for Your sake do I divest myself of everything to the end of my life. Deign, therefore, in Your great mercy, to clothe me with the robe of Your sacred merits which is perfumed with the sweet odor of Your virtues, so that on the day of judgment, I may receive the blessing of Your Heavenly Father.

I take as notary of this contract made with the Holy Child Jesus, our blessed father, Peter of Berulle, Apostle of the Incarnate Word, and for witnesses and protectors I take all the angels and saints of Heaven.

SISTER MARY OF ST. PETER
AND OF THE HOLY FAMILY,
UNWORTHY CARMELITE

This Act was made at Midnight, December 25, Christmas of the year 1843.

Having made this Act to our Lord, in spite of my unworthiness, He now regarded me entirely as His own, and He went on to build in my soul His edifice to the glory of the Holy Name of God. Since I have written elsewhere of the various communications of our Lord on this subject of Reparation, I will not speak about this Work here. I will only mention in passing that our Lord now began pressing me ever more urgently to ask my superiors to propagate the devotion by having the prayers of Reparation printed in order that they might redound to the glory of God's Holy Name.

But when I addressed this petition to Reverend Mother, she scolded me severely, saying that it was outright presumption on my part to come and ask her to publish prayers which I myself had composed. She further reproved me, saying that it would be much more proper and better for me to recite the beautiful prayers which were composed by the holy Fathers, but that I, being persistently stubborn, chose always to think only about this Work of Reparation. Enduring all these disappointments, I offered them to the Blessed Virgin as money of a spiritual nature in order that with it she could pay for the printing of the leaflets containing the prayers which her Divine Son willed should be distributed throughout the world.

In the meantime, our Saviour began to grant great favors to the Sisters of our Community, who started to recite these prayers of reparation, either for themselves or for their relatives. Since they were altogether ignorant as to who was the author of those prayers, they spoke about them freely in my presence, saying: "Truly, we obtain everything we want from our Lord, merely by making the Novena of Reparation."

About this time, one of our Sisters who was very sick felt herself very much drawn to promise our Lord that she would make a Novena of Reparation for her cure. On the third day of her Novena she felt herself suddenly cured. When she told me about this, I was very happy to learn that our Lord was granting some remarkable favors through the Prayers of Reparation, for this confirmed my belief that I was not being deceived, and that the communications which I had received through God's grace, concerning this Work, were not illusions.

Then one day after Holy Communion, our Lord Himself wishing to console me, in spite of my unworthiness, spoke to me these words, which were later fulfilled: "My daughter, these prayers of reparation will be printed and they will be spread!"

At this period, my superiors, ever charitable, entered into very serious deliberations, to re-examine the operations in my soul to be assured that it was really God's spirit that was leading me. The result was that they ordered me to give them now an account in writing of all my interior dispositions. The following is the report I then drew up for them:

My Reverend and most honored Mother, with the help of the Divine Child Jesus and my Guardian Angel, I shall endeavor to fulfill the order which you have given me, and I will here render an account to you of the manner in which I make my prayer. This is somewhat difficult for me to do, but obedience will help me, and since you are accustomed to my meager capacity of expression, you will be enabled to recognize what are my interior dispositions, and that alone is what matters.

In the first place, I must say that I have no merit whatever in my prayers because praying comes naturally to my soul. This gift of God has been mine since early childhood, despite my unworthiness. As a remote preparation for prayer, I try not to lose sight of our Lord, and this I achieve interiorly by keeping Him company the whole day long. Leaving to the Divine Saviour the charge and care of my relatives and all that concerns my needs, I look at myself as the house-servant of the Holy Family. Therefore, everything that I do in fulfilling the office of portress I consider as if it were actually done by me in the little house of Nazareth. I proceed each day to attend to the three special duties of any servant, which in my opinion are, first, to be ever near the master, second to execute all his orders, and third to look after his interests, by guarding the flocks on his estate, fulfilling all duties strictly in accordance with the master's will.

This then is what I try to do, by the grace of God. Interiorly, I accompany our Lord by meditating on the mysteries of His life as I unite with Him to render praises to God. Secondly, I attend to His errands, considering His words in the Gospel: "And He was subject to them," so that each time the bell at the turn calls me to duty, I offer myself as a sacrifice to the Eternal Father, on the Altar of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, begging Him to unite me with His Divine Son so that it may be Jesus Himself who acts in me.

When I have no distracting occupations, I converse with our Lord. I lead His flocks to pasture, that is, I meditate on His Mysteries, and His merits which serve as food for our souls. I also pray for the bishops of the Church and for the conversion of sinners and I try to avoid distractions, uniting all my actions to those of the Divine Saviour. As a result, exterior occupations hardly ever distract my soul but rather they tend to increase my longing for the repose of prayer. Then when the hour prescribed for this spiritual exercise arrives, our Lord repays me for my little sacrifices of the day.

At the beginning of prayer I make an examination of conscience after which I humble myself at the feet of our Lord for my infidelities as I beg Him mercifully to purify my soul. After that I treat the Saviour with much simplicity, as a child would treat its father. The following is one method of prayer which our Lord one day gave me, although I cannot say whether He did this by speaking His interior words to me or merely by giving me an illumination:

Empty your soul by recollection,
Purify it by an act of contrition,
Then fill it with God.

But since it is useless to continue pouring into a vase once it is filled, so also is it useless to load the soul with new acts and new thoughts when One alone fills and occupies it.

Then again at certain times I feel myelf interiorly carried away with the desire of making the "prayer of union" with our Lord, as He offers Himself to His Celestial Father for His glory and for the salvation of souls. At such times I soon find myself recollected in the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Then as I continue to ponder this Great Sacrifice, I find ample material for meditation. Thus, finding myself clothed with our Lord Jesus Christ, I am more readily able to approach His Celestial Father. Seeing myself enriched by His merits, I no longer fear to ask God for great graces for Holy Church and for the salvation of many souls, since in this union of my soul with Jesus it seems to me that He gives me all His merits that I might offer them to His Father.

I often yield to this kind of prayer, which is not entirely supernatural, except that I do feel that the faculties of my soul are gathered in the Sacred Heart and thus our Lord acts in me and I in Him. At such times, distractions are rare because the imagination is held captive.

However, when I am in this state, close to our Lord, and He desires to communicate something to me on the subject of His Work of Reparation, He then proceeds to work in my soul a second operation. At such times I feel that I myself am powerless to form any interior acts. It appears to me that my own mind is emptied of everything in order to make room for that of our Lord, and it is while I am in this state that my soul listens to His interior words. The more perfect this annihilation becomes, the happier is my soul. At such times it appears as if the soul were melted in God. In this state it discovers itself lost in God without knowing how it entered there. In short, a dominant attraction of grace seizes the soul, raises it above itself, and plunges it into God. Oh, what delightful moments! But this state of perfect contemplation I experience only rarely. It is an altogether gratuitous favor from God and I am altogether unworthy of such a great grace.

My usual method then is to make my prayer in the Sacred Heart of Jesus, where He discloses to me His will, allows me to share His desires of glorifying the Eternal Father and of laboring for the salvation of souls. In praying thus I find much happiness.

As for discursive meditations, I am never able to make these over a long period of time, first because I have no ability for this, and second because my soul is so quickly attracted to our Lord by a movement that springs towards me from His Sacred Heart, that I find myself rapidly enshrined in this divine sanctuary, as a little child might find itself folded in the bosom of its mother.

It is then that my will and my affections do everything while my poor mind is relieved from working. It is our Lord Himself Who has called me to this kind of prayer. In the beginning I did not dare to follow this inclination, fearing that by yielding to it I would fail to make my methodical meditation. Then our Lord, desiring me to follow His will, suggested to me the following comparison: "If the king were to invite you to dinner, would it not be ridiculous for you to bring your dinner along with you, when you could be feasted with food from the host's table to which you had been invited?"

Having sought counsel as to this method of prayer, I was told not to fear, but to follow in the way opened for me by the Holy Spirit, which method was the best. I have since experienced its blessings. I find, indeed, that the banquets of the Sacred Heart of Jesus surpass all those prepared by dint of my human mental exertions. So it happens often that the hour prescribed for prayer comes to an end before I have had time to offer thanks to my Benefactor for these delicious repasts. Hastening then to make a brief act of thanksgiving, I resolve never to lose sight of the One who had the charity to treat me with such generosity, in spite of my unworthiness, promising to serve Him more faithfully in the future.

Notwithstanding all this, I am not without experiencing also from time to time a complete absence of all consolations, but then aridity and interior sufferings are at times very necessary for the soul. Therefore, I accept whatever nourishment our Lord sees fit to give me.