9

NOW ARRIVED the hour when I was to endure a very great trial which our Lord had reserved for me. We were obliged to leave the convent so dear to me, where I made my Vows, and where I received so many graces from our Lord's Divine and merciful liberality and to move into a secular house with no enclosure grating. Since I still held the office of portress, my duties brought me in close contact with all sorts of people.

Realizing that it would be at least two years before the new convent would be completed, I saw myself confined to this parlor without any grating. Noticing in the meantime what a large number of persons were coming, all of whom asked to speak to us, some to recommend their sick, others to ask for prayers for the conversion of sinners in whom they were interested, and again others to be consoled in their troubles, and some only from idle curiosity, alas, all this plunged me into real pain.

I began to fear that in such surroundings I might lose the spirit of silence and recollection for which I felt a strong attraction. I wondered, too, if I would ever again be able to hear the voice of my Saviour in such a place. Seeking out the Prioress, I told her of my extreme repugnance for the position of portress in a house without enclosure gratings. Of course, I felt quite certain that on hearing me out she would relieve me from this employment which had become so painful to me, or that she would at least have the kindness to give me a companion who would share the parlor duties with me since this work was so distracting.

But Reverend Mother, notwithstanding her great charity, judged it proper that I should continue to discharge all the duties in the office of portress without an assistant. Only later did she reveal to me that her reason for leaving me at the turn alone at that time was to try me, in order to be better convinced as to the genuineness of my communications on the Work of Reparation.

I wish to mention here for the greater glory of God that, indeed, were the Work of Reparation merely a phantom of my imagination, it would have disappeared in the midst of the distracting trials to which I became continually exposed in my new situation as turn-sister in a secular house without proper enclosure. As a result of being incessantly disturbed by various people who came to tell me all their troubles, I should have forgotten completely about the Work of the Reparation.

To reduce the large number of frequent parlor calls, I tried to explain to the visitors that the real work of a Carmelite nun was to speak much to God in solitude and only very little to people. I also suggested to them to go to other religious houses, that were not bound by such strict rules of silence and retreat as were Carmelites, and to seek consolation there, and that we on our part would pray for their intentions. But all my arguments proved altogether useless. I cannot help laughing even now when I recall a good woman who insisted on bringing her daughter to me in order that "I should advise her to get married," she said. When I refused and told her positively that I could not do that, she undoubtedly went elsewhere and consulted someone more competent than myself to give advice on a matter of that kind.

Thus our good Saviour left me for some time to endure my weakness and the extreme repugnance I continued to feel for my new position, but one day, He had the goodness to come to console me in the depth of my soul. He made me understand that I should not take it so hard because I held an office that placed me in close contact with my neighbor, urging me to endeavor to receive the people who called with the same spirit of charity which animated Him when He received all who approached Him in His journeys through the cities of Judea. He also assured me that this distracting office would not hurt my soul, but on the contrary that the many labors connected with it would promote His glory.

This communication restored peace to my soul and all my previous repugnance for the position I held vanished. How merciful is God to abase Himself thus towards a poor and miserable creature, encouraging her to walk in His ways and consoling her in her troubles! Whenever this divine voice comes to instruct or to console me, it is then that I like to repeat: "Your word, Oh, Lord, is sweeter to my ear than the most beautiful music!"

Shortly thereafter our Lord fulfilled the promise He made me when He said that my distracting duties would not harm my spiritual progress but rather promote it. Briefly, I wish to speak here about several new communications which our Lord now gave me regarding the Work of Reparation, about which I have already written at great length elsewhere. In passing, I wish merely to mention here that our Lord now embued me with such intense longing to see the Work of Reparation established that I was overwhelmed with anguish so extreme that I felt unable even to partake of food. I knew I could not bear this heavy burden much longer without succumbing under its weight. For that reason I felt strongly urged to lay this whole matter at the feet of the Archbishop himself.

Our worthy superiors had in the past acquainted His Excellency with my revelations regarding the Work of Reparation, and now I too had the honor of writing to him on this subject. The Archbishop already had some small leaflets about the Association of Reparation in Rome printed recommending this Work to the priests of his diocese, but he had not as yet erected the Association.

Therefore, our Lord now made known to me that the Association which He desired to see established should have two ends in view; first, the Reparation for blasphemy, and second, the Reparation for the profanation of Sundays, since these two enormous crimes were provoking the anger of God. Seeing clearly that thus far the designs of our Lord in this Work had not been carried out, I felt urged to place this matter, which was crushing me, before the Archbishop.

Notwithstanding the natural aversion I had to make this step, I begged my superiors to ask the Archbishop to come and to honor me with his presence, despite my unworthiness, since I felt I could no longer live without speaking to him. Our worthy prelate in his charity did not delay in acceding to my request. Having had the goodness to come, he consoled me and gave me some wise counsels, assuring me that I was not laboring under any illusion concerning the revelations which I had received. He told me also that he recognized in my communications the seal of God, and that the lights with which I had been favored bore no stamp of deception.

This verdict of the Archbishop was like balm poured upon my soul, bringing me great relief. For until now, my confessor would not pronounce anything definite on the revelations I received regarding the Work of Reparation. He remained ever reticent, telling me that it belonged to the first superior in the diocese, namely, the Archbishop, who would be enlightened from the Holy Ghost, to pronounce a true judgment, and that therefore I must wait until I hear his decision.

And now at last I was convinced as never before that my revelations came from God. And although the Archbishop gave me very little hope that he could proceed with the erection of this Association on account of the many difficulties which he told me he foresaw in this project, this did not prevent me from trusting firmly that the Work would eventually be established. Being told of the obstacles that impeded the Work, I believed that our Lord would in His own time remove all barriers so that His divine decree would be fulfilled.

The following are the reasons that helped me arrive at this conclusion. I argued thus: Since the Archbishop who had received from God the grace to pronounce judgment has assured me that the revelations given me by God in spite of my unworthiness, regarding the Work of Reparation, are not imaginary, then most assuredly this Work shall be established because the word of God is creative and unfailing, and it is this word of God which I hear in my soul and which asks this Work of me.

If, on the contrary, God would have allowed the Archbishop to tell me that all my communications were illusions, then I would have abandoned all, for by the grace of God I always had more confidence in the words of my superiors than in any interior words which I thought I heard spoken by our Lord, since in these we may sometimes be mistaken, whereas faith never makes us err. And the Saviour in speaking of superiors said: "Who hears you, hears me." We cannot, therefore, be mistaken in hearing them. These words of the holy Gospel have always impressed me and I have engraved them in my heart. Putting these words into practice, I received great graces coming to me through the medium of those who had charge of guiding my soul.

A short time after I had the honor of my interview with the Archbishop, he was pleased to approve the Prayers of Reparation, of which I have spoken, and after making a few necessary corrections, he granted his permission to have them printed.

But this printing was not done immediately. In the meantime our Lord made me understand that a mere printing of the prayers alone would never suffice, but that it was necessary to add an explanation throwing light on the end which the Work had in view. The Saviour told me that in order to stimulate the interest of the Faithful to say these prayers to the glory of the Holy Name of God, it was essential to instruct them concerning the designs of God in this great Work, for only then when this would be done through the means of adequate printed matter would we see pious souls feasting themselves on these prayers as bees feast upon flowers. He then revealed to me that these prayers would be very instrumental in obtaining the conversion of sinners.

Consequently, a small booklet, containing Prayers of Reparation, and some reflections on blasphemy and the profanation of holy days, was compiled. The Archbishop approved this little work which at once met with unusual success, so that in a short time more than 25,000 of these pamphlets were distributed. From several cities came petitions to Tours asking for these prayers to the Holy Name of God, which were being recited with great fervor. Our Lord now came to me saying that this new harmony had appeased His anger, but that He still wanted the establishment of the Association exactly as He had asked for it.

At this time, a certain priest, who heard of the Work and became very much interested in it, came to visit me. He asked me to pray for two special favors, one for himself and one for a brother priest, both favors being spiritual ones, to save the souls and reputation of two young persons in whom these priests were interested. This clergyman said to me: "I already believe in the Work with which our Lord has charged you but in order to be more certain of it, I will ask you to pray for these two favors, as signs, and I promise you that if our Lord grants them, both my friend and I will devote ourselves to spread the Reparation.

Thinking that glory would accrue to our Lord if I accepted the clergyman's proposal, I promised him that I would pray for his two intentions in the spirit of obedience because whenever I asked any favor of our Lord in this manner, I obtained it more readily.

After the visiting priest left, I at once went before the Blessed Sacrament, to beg our Saviour to defend His cause in the Work of Reparation by granting the favors so much desired, since these two priests promised to become defenders of God's Holy Name blasphemed by sinners if they received the graces requested. In short, I exhausted whatever meager eloquence I had to touch the Divine Heart of the good Saviour and also began a novena for these two intentions.

Our Lord immediately attested with proof to the divine character of His Work of Reparation, for that same evening the priest who had visited our convent obtained the favor he desired while his friend obtained his a short time later. This clergyman then told us joyfully that our Lord answered his prayers beyond all expectations, for it turned out that the unfortunate happening soon redounded to the greater glory of God, and also to the happiness of all those persons so recently distressed.

Similarly in many other ways did our Lord prove that He Himself was the author of this Work of Reparation and that it was not a phantom of my imagination. Besides, it should be clear to anyone who reads this history that of myself I would never have the intelligence to invent a Work so lofty, destined to glorify God's Name and to save souls, for I am but a poor little donkey of the Holy Child Jesus. So it must follow that it was really the Holy Ghost who revealed this to me, in spite of my unworthiness. As for myself, I have a strong conviction in the depth of my soul that this Work shall one day be established.

As for the obstacles that have been raised, our Lord Himself told me that the more glorious something is in the sight of God, so much the more does the rage of the devil oppose it. The Saviour made me know that the evil spirit would do everything in his power to impede and to crush this Work. For that reason I am not at all surprised at the various difficulties encountered, for our Lord told me one day that He would allow the demon to cross His Work in order to test the fidelity of His servants. He then assured me that in spite of all the efforts of satan to annihilate the Work of Reparation, the will of our Lord to glorify the Name of His Father would be fulfilled, and His Work would be triumphantly established.

But what always astonishes me is that our Lord should have entrusted this great Work to a poor Bretonne like myself, who has but little sense, no talent, and who lacks virtue. Surely, in leaving the world, I had but one ambition and that was to become a house-servant of the Holy Family, and when later I was admitted into the convent I longed only to become the little donkey of the Divine Jesus. I was far, indeed, from imagining that when this Holy Child asked me for the ground of my soul, that He intended to build upon it such an edifice to the glory of God's Name. However, one day He made it known to me that it was precisely because of my extreme littleness that He chose me to be His instrument in order that from this He should derive greater glory.

It now also became quite clear to me why our Lord should have allowed my superiors to order me to write the story of my whole life. For surely were I to leave in writing only an account of all the exalted revelations which I received from our Lord regarding the Work of Reparation, those who would read them might be led to believe that the person to whom these communications were made must have been a very virtuous and spiritual soul who was entirely lost in the contemplation of the Divinity.

But the Holy Child Jesus desired to preserve anyone from getting such a false idea about this little servant. He wished rather that all should know her to be poor and imperfect as she really is, and for that reason He willed it that my superiors should order me to write the whole story of my life.

At first I excused myself, telling Reverend Mother that I could hardly be expected to remember the things that happened before I entered religion, and my intention was to render only a small resume of the graces which I received from God's generosity. But knowing that obedience makes everything easy, I addressed myself to my little King, the Divine Child Jesus, in whose small hand I placed my pen, and I begged Him to write the life-story of His little donkey, in order that it might redound to the glory of His Father, and to my own confusion.

The Divine Child answered my prayer beyond all my expectations, for not only did He remind me of things which Reverend Mother wanted to know that appertained to my life before entering religion, but He, as it were, Himself wrote the whole life of this His little servant, for indeed, making known to me His will, the writing was done practically without a stop.

One day, however, I became somewhat worried, remembering that the Gospel teaches us that the right hand must not know what the left hand does. Reflecting that the record of what little virtue I practiced during life would be published about me some day, I feared losing the merit thereof. But during prayer I was given to understand that I had no cause to worry over this matter, as our Lord showed me that if I had practiced in life very great virtues, it would not have been necessary for me now to be obliged to write an account of them, for the perfume of great virtues would spread sufficiently of itself. But since, on the contrary, I had practiced only very small virtues, it was now necessary for me to write an account of them, as it were, to show them off for the greater glory of His Name.

The following comparison then suggested itself to my mind. Look at a poor man as he is assigned by a great person to undertake a mission. This poor man at once draws out from his clothes closet his very best suit, in order to make a favorable impression, sparing no pains to attire himself in the best possible fashion, in order that he might be well received by the great personage. Now, if he were really rich, it would not be in the least necessary for him to go to so much trouble, because the prestige of his titles and his wealth would suffice to insure him a favorable reception.

Thus did our Lord show me by comparison that inasmuch as I was poor, He wanted me to bring out of the clothes closet of my heart the meager stock of virtues which I had practiced with His grace in order to make myself presentable as an emissary who was obliged to negotiate a mission with which He had charged me to the glory of His Name. "These considerations," our Lord finally said to me, "will humble you and they will also serve to calm you when you are disturbed as to what you have written for the accomplishment of My designs." Given this assurance, my soul was filled with great peace.

In conclusion, I want to explain that it is to the Holy Family and also to the generosity of the Holy Child Jesus that I am indebted for the graces I received in my life despite my unworthiness. I have dedicated myself to the Divine Child to honor particularly the mysteries of His Sacred Childhood, so little appreciated in the world, and so unheeded because of the spirit of independence which is everywhere so predominant.

Very often I used to beg this Divine Child to establish in my soul the Kingdom of His Holy Childhood, and to remain enthroned there according to His good pleasure and the extent of His designs in my regard. Undoubtedly, He heard my prayer, for one day while completely engrossed in thoughts about the Divine Infant, He led me also to consider the mysteries of His adult life, and finally brought me to the contemplation of His Divinity, that is, in the Work of Reparation, there to glorify the Holy Name of the Deity Himself. But the latter developments in my meditations do not prevent me from feeling that my soul is ever dedicated and bound to honor particularly the Mysteries of the Divine Childhood.

Yes, the Holy Child is my model, my strength, my consolation; in short, He is the complete joy of my heart. He is my model of patience and resignation, Who teaches me by His example, as He rests silently in the crib, content to wait thirty-three years before consuming His sacrifice, to the glory of His Father, for the salvation of the world. Thus He teaches me that in the Work of Reparation I must also be resigned to wait in patience for its triumph until the moment decreed by God at last arrives. Therefore I am content to wait together with Him, and I suffer together with Him.

But what was the chief occupation of Jesus during His Childhood, I ask myself. The answer is that He was ever intent on glorifying God's Holy Name. "Did you not know," He said to His Mother, when she found Him in the temple, "that I must be about My Father's business?" Therefore, I repeatedly ask this Divine Child to teach me how I must glorify the Name of His Father. I beg Him to recite together with me that prayer which He Himself offered to His Father while He lived on earth: "My Father glorify Your Name," and then I add, "in the Work of Reparation." At other times I present myself before Him, saying: "Lord Jesus, You are a most merciful judge, and I come to You Who have received from Your Father the power to exercise all judgment. Although I am not worthy that You plead my cause, yet I ask You, for the glory of the Holy Name of God, to defend my case. Say only one word and my case shall be won in this Work destined to give glory to the Divine Majesty. Speak, sweet Jesus, to Your Father. And You, Oh, Eternal Father, glorify Your name, and rebuke the demon who dares to blaspheme this, Your Most Holy Name. Satan, begone!"

Whenever I prayed in that manner I felt that the devil was highly incensed against me for he dislikes being brought to judgment, and out of revenge he plunged my soul, one day, into a fearful state. But I prayed to our Lord as follows: "Give me Your sustaining grace, Jesus my spouse, for hoping in You alone, I will continue to despise the infernal spirit and all his wicked blasphemies by which he thinks he can frighten me. Never will I cease to call on You as the Just Judge, but rather I will the more steadfastly persevere in this prayer: "Lord, You have been appointed by the Eternal Father to exercise all judgment, and I now beg You to overthrow my adversary by a verdict of Your judgment, remembering that You have promised that God would avenge His elect who call on Him night and day, and that He will surely come to their assistance."

Sit Nomen Domini benedictum!
Vade retro, Satana!

SISTER MARY OF ST. PETER
AND OF THE HOLY FAMILY,
UNWORTHY CARMELITE

JUNE 13, 1847